My Soul is Calibrated to Flow

Transparency: This essay is part of my journey through “A Year with Myself“.

If you would like to follow this journey of mine, you may do so through my sidebar, or my Experiment page.

As I share below, my focus is to live in alignment from a center of peace.  To do this, requires that my life be in alignment.  Quite simply, then, I allow for lots of time within my life for introspection, many hours in nature, and practice the concepts of embrace and release as I do the inner work of applying clarity to my life.  As I evolve, changes such as this project and my experiment page are brought to fruition.

I treat this online space as I do my own heart space–I do not “trumpet” my latest change, I live it…quietly.  I realize, though, that as a reader, you might potentially “miss out” if I do not share directly.  I wrote this essay as part of this project, shared it with a few friends, and posted the link with the “A Year With Myself” group.  I am choosing to share it here, in this space today, because it is a huge piece of me.  And that is transparency, sharing our innermost thoughts even when we are unsure of how they will be received.

When I first read the prompt, I felt intimidated and overwhelmed; yet, my accountability to my self and to the group inspired me to process the prompt, which then became empowering.

The prompt, from Goddess Leonie Dawson asks: “Have you found your soul’s compass yet?  What would you like to call into your life?  If the 80-year-old you wrote you a letter, what would she say?  And in what ways are you a goddess?”

My Soul is Calibrated to Flow

by Joy

(written while listening to the song Heavenly Day)

I have the gift of ‘sight’; perhaps a more mainstream label would be clarity.  I was born “knowing” who I am and what my purpose is.  Some might read that and think how refreshing (and it is!).  However…

Just because I know with certainty who I am and what my purpose is, doesn’t mean that I have always accepted it, or lived it, or even known what to do with that knowledge.  I am love and peace and truth and my purpose is to be (and in the “act of being” to share) that love and peace and truth.  Sounds simple, but I resisted it most of my life.  I resisted my gift of clarity and I resisted my truth, because it set me apart from mainstream, it set me apart from those I love–for inevitably, people are drawn to love, peace, and truth, yet are not always able to receive it.  So, in essence, people were drawn to me, but not always able to receive me.  Why?  Because I haven’t always been able to receive my self.

I wonder, how many of us feel a lack of peace in our lives and look externally to fill it, claim it, own it; yet, it is our inner journey that allows the experience of peace–in learning to love and accept self that we find it and live it.

About six years ago, I stepped out of the life I had “known”, into this life of being me.  Quite simply, what I find is that when I live in alignment, I enjoy peace; when I share from this center of peace, I am sharing “golden”.  My focus then is to live in alignment from this center of peace; which means that my choices might look unconventional, but my soul’s compass is calibrated to Flow and what I Feel each moment is gratitude. I often say (because I truly Feel) that gratitude and love are my navigational tools into a lovely harbor of peace.

A Letter From my 80 Year Old Self (by the way, in life I speak to myself in this tone, in these words, daily…it is a beautiful exercise in love!)

Dearest One,

Thank you for being you.  I *love* your essence.  I appreciate you.

Do you know what I love best about you?  Your smile.  That smile has been on your face from day one, lighting your space, sparking the smiles around you.  Such a beautiful smile.  Thank you for sharing it.

And your eyes. Those gorgeous hazel eyes, that have captivated each person who looks into them.  Windows to your soul.  Thank you for opening them as you do, and for allowing others to peer so intently into them, and for answering questions transparently as they tried to figure out why they sparkled so.  Thank you for sharing your vision so openly, so freely, and for allowing that vision to guide your choices.

Love and gratitude.  Your smile and your eyes are lit by love and gratitude.  Thank you for having the courage to open your heart daily–through doubt and fear and external everything–to experience that love and gratitude.

Darling one, I don’t think you felt courageous; people would use that word to describe you and you would slough it off as you embarked upon your next adventure.  Ah, that smile and those eyes have certainly led to many adventures.  You have lived quite an amazing life: from pushing past your self-imposed limits, to loving fully to the depths of your being, to experiencing stillness so profound it brought tears to your eyes.  You opened your self up to Feel to a depth and range that allowed for exquisite, elegant, excellent.  Thank you for allowing those Feelings.  So incredibly beautiful.

I know there were times you didn’t Feel that beauty.  I am so glad that you opened through that because in doing so, you allowed your self to be that beauty, and when you share from this place, you reflect to others that which is beauty filled.  Do you doubt that, still?  Ah, you are absolutely beautiful.  I don’t know why you cannot see that (I know you do not “like labels”, but labels are what we have, love)–as you spend hours in nature, in the hills and the ocean and the beach that you love so–you are all that you see, all that your heart holds dear, that is you reflecting to you.  You are the vastness of the sky, and the power and grace of the ocean, and the majesty of the hills.

I know that your countless mornings breathing in the sunrise, and evenings basking in the sunset, and nights sleeping in the moonbeams nourished your being and allowed you to become that Light.  Thank you for taking the time to breathe and bask and sleep in the light filled spaces.

Thank you for honoring each person’s individual paths, as you honored your own.  There were times when you wanted to hold someone so close–your children, lovers–but you released that connection so that they might experience as they were meant to.  In releasing, you were all able to create with freedom and joy and learned so much from each other.  You walked many steps together, each step buoyant and light and refreshing.  Such an honor to walk with loved ones, thank you for allowing that experience.

You won’t always have the “answers”.  You won’t always know “how”.  This may frustrate you at times, even temporarily slow you down, but you will innovatively create through these spaces.  You call yourself a “feeler” but love you are a creator, an inventor…of this moment and all of your moments.  And the life you have created is a wonderful one.  Thank you for creating this life.

You already know this deep within.  It all works as it is meant to.

I love you,

80-year-old me.

Thank you.

If you would like to read the previous week’s essay, please click this link: There is Only Now.

Much peace and abundant love,

Joy

Reminder: Experiment. Explore.  Experience.

 

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Comments on: "My Soul is Calibrated to Flow" (12)

  1. “You have lived quite an amazing life: from pushing past your self-imposed limits, to loving fully to the depths of your being, to experiencing stillness so profound it brought tears to your eyes.”

    …and it was precisely during this sentence my own tears came.

    I have followed the majority of your post for over a year now Joy. At times I have asked *my self* “Can’t she be specific?”

    I have always been a giver with my sky-blue eyes, smile, heart, and listening ears…but specifically I have not focused on the needs of my *self*.

    Your own transparency above has given me a specific compass that I have not fully comprehended in the past.

    It’s interesting…the Letter from 80 year Old Self. In all the posts that I have read of yours from the past…for me…you specifically presented *Love* most truly with your observation of the elderly woman sitting nervously in that hospital corridor until her long-time companion finally showed up…like the Moon wrapping Venus.

    “You already know this deep within. It all works as it is meant to.”

    I look forward to the time we can actually physically meet Joy if it works as it is meant to…

    Thank you for sharing “Heavenly Day”!

    Yes, I do like the original Adele version better. My daughters bought her ’21’ album for me. Do you remember how I forecast her ‘Rolling In The Deep’ to be a hit? What a talent! Even like how she covers ‘Lovesong’ on the album.

    My love to you Darling one…

    • Rand,
      I am unsure “specific” to what? Throughout my entire life’s journey, my essence is the building blocks that I use for this site: gratitude, love, peace, joy, trust, simplicity, and clarity, along with transparency and the concept of unfolding. Within that, my creative expressions and physical manifestations might differ (as well they “should”–thus, the “Facets” concept).

      Specifically, when I set the intention to honor my heart path, when I clear the space and celebrate that space, magnificent *everything* is effortlessly placed because I am tapped fully into Flow. When I insist upon my own way (or insist upon expectations within relating to another), I am creating struggle.

      My choice..flow..or struggle. I choose flow–I open my heart to the moment as it is presented to me.

      It truly does all work as it is meant to. Who am I to obstruct that? Why not effortlessly tap into it?

  2. …oh

    This is an after thought about dinner.

    It came to my attention that you never mentioned how you are such a *great cook* in your post or ‘A Letter From my 80 Year Old Self’. Now Joy we all know you pride *yourself* in the culinary arts :)

    Since I am not too certain whether I may ever sample some of your delectable delights, and with the re-vamp of your blog, how about posting some of your favorite recipes from time to time? You know…*Cooking with Joy* :)

    • Hi Rand,
      It is virtually impossible for me to share a recipe…
      As those who have been in my kitchen will tell you, my recipe for creating in the kitchen is the same as my recipe for creating in life.

      I set the intention to please whomever I am cooking for. I gather my own personal energy and magnify that–I prefer fresh air, lovely light, music, laughter. I gather the freshest, most simple ingredients and I combine them to create something to delight each of one’s senses. And I serve it with love.

      If one is not on the same vibration, one does not have access to my kitchen. If my vibration is low, I do not cook. This is the essence of nourishment, and as I honor this essence in my kitchen, so too I honor it in life.

      (Also, my greatest delight is to cook with someone..which would mean we are in complete energetic harmony. )

  3. Hi Joy…where is everyone?

    I went to your ‘experiment’ page…interesting.

    I will not commit to doing so for the time being as my mind is presently consumed with:

    “All the natural movements of the soul are controlled by laws analogous to those of physical gravity. Grace is the only exception. Grace fills empty spaces, but it can only enter where there is a void to receive it, and it is grace itself which makes this void. The imagination is continually at work filling up all the fissures through which grace might pass.”
    ? Simone Weil, Gravity and Grace

    …and:

    “One can never really give a proof of the reality of anything; reality is not something open to proof, it is something established. It is established just because proof is not enough. It is this characteristic of language, at once indispensable and inadequate, which shows the reality of the external world. Most people hardly ever realize this, because it is rare that the very same man thinks and puts his thought into action.”
    ? Simone Weil

    She intrigues me…I want to study more of her work at the moment.

    My daughter also intrigues me. We had a wonderful day together over lunch, bookstore (bought her ‘The Lost Painting’ by Jonathan Harr), bringing Talula to Dog Beach. She is back up to the University within a week… :) mixed emotions :( for dad.

    • What happened with this particular post is very interesting. It is my heart on my sleeve. As I wrote in the article, these words are my heart on my sleeve, which I originally published internally within the experiment section, then decided to share through this space as well.

      I have been offline since.

      For whatever reason, this article did not automatically go to subscribers. My “tech support” said they could fix it on Monday. I said no thank you, please allow it to be. I am not one to “insist upon” sharing in any realm. So, “everyone” does not know it exists. And I am absolutely okay with that. For me, it is the process of opening my heart past familiar to share in such a way. This space mirrors my own heart space.

      It all works as it is meant to:)

  4. I’ve been reading a lot about focus today so I love your phrase, “my focus is to live in alignment from a center of peace” . What a wonderful idea to write a letter from your 80 year old self. I’m going to try that. I’ll bet it makes you focus in on what you really want to be remembered for at the end of your life.

    Great post, Joy!

    • Betsy,
      Thank you:)
      Focus is an essential ingredient in creating this moment. Some focus on a tangible, specific goal; while my focus in on my commitment to “concepts”.
      This exercise allowed me to reflect upon my life in this moment–with great clarity–not forward thinking as in how do I want to have lived, but very much aware of how am I choosing to live right now in this very moment. In alignment, living my truth. That is why my 80 year old self is so full of gratitude, because my 41 year old self is living it:)

  5. jean sampson said:

    I am always so amazed when people say that they were born knowing something! It has taken all of 65 years for me to figure out a little bit! Everything I know, I learned, usually the hard way—–but what I realized was that, having come the hard way, I can help others come up a little easier way. This is why I can teach non-artists to draw, because I am really a non-artist who, at 19, found the most wonderful art teacher in the world (and I was not even supposed to be an artist,but my life got de-railed and that is where I landed) and wanted so badly (still do!) to be able to draw like he drew. I had no idea that I would ever be an art teacher, but here I am. I also became a poet because I trashed my foot after 20 years of being a runner and I could not run, had to slow down and look at the world. I actually do think that I was born a poet because my brain thinks in metaphores and such. And I love to play with words. But I would never have known that had I not had to slow down and release the identity of “runner”—-hard to do!

    So, Joy, the point is that I have blundered into, fallen into, failed into, run headlong into. my life and my purpose (which is actually to help people love and feel good about themselves, because that has been my biggest lesson). On a deeper level, I know that love is who I am, who we all are, and I continue to journey back to that essence and continue to help others on their journey back to the love that they are. I see us all as the brightest lights ever, but some of us have had experiences that have dimmed or occluded our brightness. There are those who I can help to uncover their original brightness because of the experiences I have had, no matter how desultory and seemingly useless, even painful, some of my life experiences might seem.

    I didn’t mean to be so longwinded, but 65 years of figuring things out can’t be described without some reminder of the length of the journey!

    This was a good post, Joy. I love the way you talk to yourself! So sweet!

    oxoxo and hugs

    • Jean,
      Thank *you* for such a beautiful reflection..there is no such thing as “long winded”..there is reflection or no reflection:)
      As you read, I “knew” my truth, yes…but I spent a bit of time resisting it. And each resistance brought with it struggle..which I transformed to joy (in all realms, and yes, it can be read as a metaphor). I think it was only last year that I decided to drop this thought: “I learn the hard way”..and replace it with this thought: Learning is full of joy, adventure and wonderful surprises–that one change transformed my life, opened the door to love and movement and inner peace and creativity to a depth I had yet to experience.
      I think the point is…you have “lived your life fully”, no holds barred. You may call it blundered, fallen, failed, run…I call it *lived*. and *loved*. This is what people long for, and some never experience..yet you have..and I love that you share it so openly! Adventure, creativity, passion, love, joy, light..all which you reflect here. Life. You reflect to me the essence of life!
      A hue energetic hug to you:)

  6. jean sampson said:

    Hi Joy, I love your way of looking at learning and I will try it on today! I have a painting that I am working on and it is totally different from any other painting I have ever done! And it feels like it is going to take me forever to figure it all out (translate “hard”). So that is where I am going to start to apply the new attitude right away. Then I will see what else reveals itself as something I consider hard and painful!

    Huge hugs badk to you! :D

    • Jean,
      Thank you for considering something new and different! Especially within creative expression, which is truly a heart expression.

      Perhaps when you look at this painting as “hard” your resistance shows it means a lot to you…will allow you to be quite vulnerable…perhaps instead of “thinking” you may think *and* open your heart to flow and see what manifests…

      This happened with my son and I. We got out our paints and supplies and both of us were thinking out technique when he looked at me and quite simply said: “Let’s just paint.” So, we did:)

      Kind of what I am doing in my current relationship. If you ask me, I do not know “how” to do long distance, so I open my heart to it and each day brings a different gift:)

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