Balance Through Boundaries

Today, I am delighted– thrilled beyond words!– to share energetic space with Lindsay Hinton from Soul Inspired Wellness!

Lindsay’s message and style resonates strongly with me…her words affirm my heart truth and invite me to gently stretch beyond ordinary to excellent. I had the opportunity to speak with Lindsay; her energy is radiant and enlivening.  I am delighted to share this message from Lindsay with you, here.

Balance Through Boundaries

By Lindsay Hinton

“Life cannot turn against you anymore than the wave can turn on the ocean that gives rise to it.” –Guy Finley

As we each learn our lessons in life, and gather the unique navigational tools that continue to guide our journeys, there comes a steady whisper from within that is always seeking balance through the creation of boundaries.

The word ‘boundaries’ is expansive; as you read the word, you are no doubt thrust into a number of situations, and interpretations of it.  So what exactly does it mean to seek balance through boundaries?

Let’s quickly acknowledge the function of our minds on any given day.  Each day, we have the potential to carry the energy of thousands of thoughts and feelings around with us. Our minds are constantly firing- absorbing information- smells, sounds, noises, images and more, while translating, coding, and storing these sensory explorations as memories in our brain.  In other words, we have absolutely no shortage of information we can indulge in from moment to moment, and carry around with us from one situation to the next.  If boundaries are not established in our daily routines, our minds can quickly become very chaotic and overwhelmed.  Unfortunately, when the mind experiences these feelings it simultaneously encourages them by putting itself into overdrive to manage all the stimulation; and subsequently, it drowns out the soft, guiding whispers of our hearts. The mind can rapidly create a reality that gives much of our energetic power away to others, and situations out of our control, and often unimportant.

So you see, boundaries create the clear channels through which we travel from one moment to another- one experience to the next. Without them we have no rest, rather it can all become a large, oppressive energetic blur. When we have no awareness of our boundaries, and do not set intentions regarding them, there is quickly no stillness or space within our experience for clarity and focus to emerge.  This can challenge our ability to care for ourselves, as well as for those in our lives who need us most.

So, just how are boundaries created?

Boundaries are created in large part, by practicing presence.  Experiencing balance in our lives, simply put, means living in harmony with our present experience– being mindful, not mind full.

By recognizing and taking ownership for creating boundaries we become fully immersed in every way possible with our experiences.  We allow for full, honest expression of how we are feeling in that moment by giving ourselves permission to have an authentic and complete experience.  There is no repression, denial, or dissociation- just an embracing, often followed by release.  Practicing presence provides space for clarity and peace to flow through anything we encounter, and it keeps us from getting snagged on troublesome objects along the way.  Now, this statement is in no way meant to imply that presence grants us immunity from further moments of hardship and suffering because these will, of course, always be a part of our lives; rather this statement reminds us that creating boundaries is one of the keys to freedom and fluidity in our lives, despite these experiences.

Let me provide an example from my personal experience.  This March, my beloved dog Mo, died.  She was so incredibly special to me.  Ours was one of those relationships that few words can be found to express the depth of our connection, nor the gratitude I have for her friendship in my life.  She was my first baby and a mama to my boys, but certainly not “just a dog”.  I love telling people our story, and while that is not what I will do here, I hope you now have some small sense of the profound grief I tell you now, I experienced when her journey in this life came to a close back in March.

About an hour after we had let her go, there was a brief moment when I found myself tense up while crying.  My body became very stiff, my stomach clinched, and I noticed myself thinking, “Enough.  She is gone.  Breathe, and get a hold of yourself.  Move on- quit crying.”  Gratefully, I was instantly aware of why I was thinking that.  It was so incredible because in that same short moment I told myself, “No.  Not enough.  Thank you for trying to protect me, but this is what I am meant to feel.  This is my expression of our love and friendship.  Let go.  Be here with this pain- acknowledge it, honor it, and allow it to move through you.”

I had full recognition that my mind had jumped in to protect ‘me’ from this pain.  It had wanted to rescue me by whisking me away from my deep sadness for a moment and the discomfort of her loss.  But I did not need to go away- I needed to be very present.  I then cried for nearly three days straight, and that is no exaggeration.  I held each emotion and memory as it came, and felt it move through me in just the way it needed to.  I surrendered, and let go, and in not resisting- I found release.  Lots of it- deep, healing release.  I remember waking myself up one night with a wet pillow, and curling into the fetal position to continue my cry, fully awake now.  It was raw, authentic presence- fully embraced.

On the fourth day, I popped out of bed and felt light as a feather- literally.  I was joyful, and no longer felt “sad”, rather was overwhelmed by deep gratitude for my time with Mo.  It was close to bliss, as strange as it may sound.  On the other side of being fully present with my pain, I was still and strong, open and clear.  I had discovered freedom and peace in this space.  And while it may have looked ugly and painful from the outside, and felt agonizing as the energy left my body- I was free, always free.  I had no concern my pain went unacknowledged, and thus ran the risk of manifesting in harmful ways down the road.  I was clear for the moment.

My hope is this- that you see how truly important it is for each of us to master this art.  Consider this metaphor from Mother Nature when reflecting on our conversation about boundaries, and recognize her commitment to both the light and the dark in life.

Just as the earth offers shade and space for the roots of a tree to grow, it simultaneously creates the boundary between dark and light, and ushers the blossoming of the branches above its surface.  That boundary is critical in ensuring the life of that tree, and in supporting the roles of the various systems within that organism. Boundaries create balance.

Moving forward, I encourage you to be aware of your engagement from moment to moment, and where you direct your thoughts, and how you use your language. No resolution is ever born by focusing your eyes on moments not yet shaped by time, nor those that have already left a mark. Practice presence as often and completely as you can- especially when it brings pain and hardship for these are the moments that encourage rest and reflection, and will soon usher the return of light into your darkest places. Boundaries (created in large part through the practice of presence) are one of your greatest tools in this life; learn to use them wisely and you will soon be free.

Much love and peace on your journey,

Lindsay

Lindsay Hinton is a Soul Integration Coach and Spiritual Midwife, Intuitive Healer, Self-Realization Teacher, Writer and Public Speaker who loves to passionately engage the soulful issues of our daily lives ranging from partnership to personal growth, and help others do the same.  Her practice focuses on work with both individuals and couples.  She is native to Oklahoma, but currently lives in Salt Lake City, Utah (by way of Maine and Colorado), with her husband, two young boys, and big furry man, Guinness.  For more information about working with Lindsay or Soul Inspired Wellness, please visit her website.

Thank you, Lindsay! Thank you, dear reader! *Excellent* indeed:)

And, I wonder if you might share, is there a place in your life where you might consider the practice of boundary setting?

Much peace and abundant love,

Joy

Reminder: Experiment. Explore.  Experience.

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Comments on: "Balance Through Boundaries" (10)

  1. jean sampson said:

    Hi Lindsay and Joy! This is an incredibly rich, meaty post with many layers and issues to respond to and to think about. My first thought was that a lot of boundaries, mine included, are “reactionary” boundaries. In other words, boundaries that got set because something that was painful or stressful kept happening and needed to be addressed. Usually, we set these boundaries, not really with complete awareness of what we are doing or why—–we are just reacting to a recurring situation that we don’t like. After we have learned a little more about who we are and how to honor ourselves and view all situations in life as learning opportunities, then we can CHOOSE to set our boundaries, realizing, at least to some degree, why we set them. Nothing can grow or even take a form without boundaries, beginning at the cellular level. All living cells have the cell membranes that are VERY PICKY about what gets into the cell and what leaves the cell. So boundaries are essential for all of life!! I love that you began with a quote from Guy Finley, one of my favorite teachers! And I am so glad that you let yourself cry and cry and cry about Mo. I did not start to heal until I did YEARS of crying that I needed to do (from the past) in order to be present in the moment. I have been blessed with lots of opportunities to learn about boundaries and healing and being present in the moment. I am so thankful for this post which has allowed me to think even deeper about the subject! :) Love and hugs to you both!

  2. Jean,

    I love that you recognize and made the point of mentioning how sacred boundaries truly are, down to the cellular level. It is so critical in our lives that we are aware of where we are placing our attentions, who we are sharing space with, what we let affect us, and why then reflect on why it affects us. Boundaries are so very important, and they determine largely, our ability and level to which we thrive in this life. If we are constantly giving our power away to others and thoughts that deplete us, then we ourselves loose our footing and strength. Boundaries keep us intact, sharp, focused and integrated. They are such a beautiful and sacred expression of our personal power.

    Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, and for your acknowledgment of Mo’s life.

    Love and Light,

    Lindsay

  3. Hi! Lindsay! I enjoyed reading your post.

    “Balance” is one of my favorite words and I believe that consciously or unconsciously, there is always a balance in life. We must recognize the “settings” for our own lives and live from there. Often, I’ve found myself willingly expand my boundaries – mainly because, when we set certain limits, we do it from our existing knowledge of what is. As we open ourselves to more learning, we also choose to adjust those boundaries accordingly and therein lies the balance, and thereon comes harmony.

    Very nice to meet you Lindsay! (Love the tattoo on your arm!)

    Thank you for the great introduction, Joy!

    Love, Vidya

  4. Vidya,

    Thank you for sharing. I love how you mention open to learning and expanding from there. We are always functioning as the highest version of ourselves we have access to in each moment. We must honor that, not place pressure on ourselves to be something different from who we are in that moment. That is the beauty of presence. We arrive as we are and embrace that. We are not distracted by who we were or where we “could” be. We just are. Again, thank you for connecting with us here. It is very nice to meet you as well.

    Oh, and thank you regarding my tattoo. The mandala on my arm is such a sacred and grounding symbol for me. I built it for over three years before committing to a relationship with it for life. ;) It holds the om, a dove with an olive branch, suns, lotuses, and an array of sacred geometry. I truly find myself holding my shoulder in challenging times, or when I need a bit of extra strength or courage.

    Much love,

    Lindsay

  5. I resonated with how you simply allowed the grief you felt around the death of your dog to be, rather than listening to the rule you had learned a long time ago that you should ignore the pain or act as if it isn’t there. When I have some kind of emotional discomfort these days, my practice, if I am paying close enough attention, is to focus my awareness on the discomfort, as opposed to turning away from it or pretending it isn’t there, and this has done so much to put the “emotional pain” I can feel into perspective.

  6. Lindsay Hinton said:

    Chris,

    That is beautiful, thank you for sharing about your personal practice of presence, especially as it relates to emotional hardship. That is one of the main components I teach my coaching clients as I am working with them during the Soul Integration Process. One must acknowledge and allow their feelings, in whatever form the pain or discomfort asks to be expressed, to come into their awareness, so that it may have its freedom and moment in the light, and then move on through us. Many of us have practiced things that take us away from our pain, or numb our it, and that has further splintered our experience and connection to self.

    Keep welcoming and embracing your authentic expression of your light and darkness equally- it is such a beautiful gift to you, and in turn, the rest of us, too. Thank you for your courage and committment to this end.

    Peace be,

    Lindsay

  7. Love, love, love this message. Always so wonderful to give myself permission to go through it instead of intellectualize. Thank you for reminding me through your writing and thank you, Joy, for giving me the gift of this message.

    • Thank you, Gina, for sharing a wonderful affirmation “permission to go through it”.

      In my writing, I do make the distinction between head and heart space, however in life, when we intellectualize our feelings we are practicing whole body integration and movement. Thus, we learn the “complete” lesson and are able to grow, heal, experience fully as we continue moving forward.

      Thank you for the gift or *your* presence and reflection :)

  8. Hi Joy:

    This is such a wonderful reminder to be fully present to each moment and in tune with our needs and our boundaries.

    Thank you, Tanya

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