Sunset Kiss: A Mother’s Day Letter and Reflection

sunsetkiss

A Letter to My Mother, Whom I Don’t Know

Dear Mom,

This is my favorite sunset photo – I call it “A Sunset Kiss”.

This photo and those few words tell you far more about me than any biography could.

Gosh..I am breathing into this space….

My friend Deb from Soul Caller circle issued an invitation to write a letter to our mothers for Mother’s day. I told her I didn’t think I could.

But then I wrote about Great Granny in Grandmother Power: Treasuring Golden Moments, and an energetic door opened.

My friend Satya opened the Fire of Love Circle and as I created my profile, my heart asked me for something new, a depth of experience I hadn’t yet had.  To open beyond what I know, to feel the pulse of life.

My friend Carrie wrote about “not enough” in Collecting Treasure: Part 1 Pieces of Self.

Goddess extraordinaire Leonie Dawson re-created her website and shared this Amazing Manifesto.

Especially after exposure to this passion and purpose that so strongly affirms my own, I know with certainty that I want a life full of abundance in all realms, and in order to fully feel the reality of infinite possibility, I need to allow this knot to unravel.  

So, I am writing to you.  If I am surprised, I can imagine how surprised you are.

I look at my daughter, now thirteen, and she has this physical beauty that astounds me.  She also has this spunk, spirit, moxie, sense of adventure, that is captivating.

She is not quite sure “what to do” with any of it; I understand, because I have felt the same.

You gifted us with these wonderful qualities that some people wish they had, that I cannot teach to others because it is innate, but you didn’t tell us what they were, how to develop them or what to do with them.

(I mention my daughter because she is in look and action a mini-me, thus a mini-you; my son is amazing as well, in different ways.)

We sometimes stand out when we wish to blend in; we tend to explore the “less-trodden path”; we have this voracious appetite for life and love, and passion infuses it all. 

When I feel into the experience of being “a lost girl“, I see what I wanted was an ally within my family; to know what it felt like to be loved, appreciated and respected as I was.

I believe that we choose our families and I never knew why I would choose to be placed within this structure.

I spent a lifetime feeling very upset with myself for being so not enough that my own mother who chose to create me, left me.  There.  In chaos.

Maybe if I was more (insert adjective here…..) you might have been captivated enough to stay.

I have spent my entire life waiting patiently for you to return. Holding space.  

And, this has been my experience of love and connection –a pattern of sharing my heart and soul, and holding space.

A pattern I would like to re-frame and re-learn as I re-member that love is an abundant energy, one I work in and create with, and I wish to experience it consistently, daily as I continue moving forward in world.

So, I want you to know this.

When I look at my daughter, I am so glad you are my mother.  Because she is this being that lights my heart and world.

When I look at my son, I am so glad you are my mother.  Because he is this being that lights my heart and world.

When I look in the mirror, I am so glad you are my mother.  Because I am a being with light in my heart that lights world.

I knew with certainty I would be a mother who was present to my children.  That being a mother is a privilege, an honor, a joy. 

I knew my children would feel my love unconditionally because I would share it freely with them.

I had no idea that vesting presence to my children, sharing unconditional love, would teach me so much about myself and ultimately guide me to dare to identify and live my life’s purpose.

I had no idea that learning to love and appreciate my children and their unique personalities and ways was learning to love and appreciate myself and my unique personality and ways.

I see what they reflect to me, far different from all that I knew at their age, and I revel in infinite possibility.

All of this love and appreciation allows me to feel into who you were and who you wished for me to become.  As I look at my life, I see you and I feel you in my creations and connections. 

I am building Facets with moxie and spunk.  I teach presence with passion.  I am learning love to a degree that I had yet to know.  And it is possible because you gifted me this talent and skill.  

I can see now that you might have left because external was less than optimal and in leaving me there, you intentionally chose to leave joy behind. I can see now how this might have affected each subsequent relationship and creation in your life.

I have heard this sense of wonder, joy, awe, delight might be missing from your life, as a self-imposed discipline;  a tragedy, if this was your truth.

I find it so interesting that your absence taught me far more about presence than I might have otherwise known.  That I learned the depth of joy, the essence of who I am, from allowing my heart to break in an unexpectedly thorough way.  And I learned the depth of love from allowing those pieces to dissolve, leaving this newly opened heart space free. (So maybe now I know how you must have felt then.)

When I wonder who I am and what I am made of, I simply look to sunset and I absorb all that is reflected.  

So, I wish for you to know, that when I think of you it is with curiosity.  I would like to know who you are now in these moments, what are you creating, whom do you choose to love and connect with.

When you look at my daughter and you look at my son, can you see facets of yourself looking back at you? 

You are a being with light in your heart, that lights world when you choose to share it. 

(So, I know when I look at sunset each evening I am receiving your reflection.)

Your essence is in this sunset kiss that warms my heart.  

And for that, I have overflowing gratitude.

The Energy of Mother’s Day

I was hesitant to share this, then my friend Andrea wrote “Showing Up” …so I am.

I chose to share in this Facets space, because Mother’s Day is approaching.  Regardless of your external, your mother is the conduit between you and Divine.  

When you can open your heart to appreciate and honor that connection, again regardless of external, you will resonate, fully, with Spirit.  I couldn’t possibly have shared that with you, without challenging myself to open to the same.

As I did the inner work of unraveling this knot, I centered into practices of presence.  In the moments I thought I couldn’t do this, I prayed and I reached out to sources that encourage.  I focused on eating foods that nourish and keeping my space clear of anything other than love and gratitude.  

Because allowing the knot to exist is settling for less than your full birth-right of infinite possibility.  And the person who suffers most, is you. 

Thank you for receiving this letter and these thoughts.

If you would like to share a bit about your relationship with your mom, I would like to receive it (either in the comment section or by email, if you prefer).  An experience, a memory, a wonderful tribute…whatever it is you would like to share.

And, I want you to know, you are loved beyond measure, as you are, in this moment; so please hold on to that as you consider the meaning of, and experience,  Mother’s Day.

Much peace and abundant love,

Joy

Reminder: Unravel. Unfurl. Unfold.

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Comments on: "Sunset Kiss: A Mother’s Day Letter and Reflection" (11)

  1. I’m sorry your mother left you, Joy. And I am impressed with all her absence has taught you…that love is greater than our actions and that you have given that precious gift to your own children.

    I had a wonderful relationship with my mother. Yes, there were times when she drove me crazy (and I’m sure I did the same for her), but we had the type of relationship where you could speak your mind and your heart and the air clearer and you moved on. I miss her intensely still. She was a dear dear friend as well as a mother.

    • Thank you, Talon for your kind words. I understand that my mother physically left, but many others have experienced all different types of absences, so I chose to share this to remind us of the power of love, in general.

      Your experience with your mother sounds absolutely wonderful! This *speak your mind and your heart and the air cleared* feels very expansive and free; may we all experience such a feel in our connections. Thank you for sharing this reflection! I understand why you would miss your mother.

  2. Joy, this is just overflowing with love. He refection is in you… your reflection in her. Sunset Kiss. Beautiful.

    • Thank you for taking the time to affirm this reflection, Barb! The presence and support within soulcaller circle inspired me to begin the inner work for this project and encouraged me as I breathed into the vulnerable space to move through it.

  3. jean sampson said:

    Joy, this is one of the most beautiful posts I have ever read. It is especially poignant because it is for a mother who, for whatever reason, left her daughter. I cannot even imagine how big your heart is, Joy! I hope, at some point, your mom can feel who you are and who her grand children are, in her spirit. It would be such a healing and beautiful thing for her. You have learned to heal yourself and that is such an amazing thing, Life is all about the healing and connecting power of love and that is how I feel when I read this letter to your mom. Thank you for so much for sharing this beautiful letter with us. I am in awe of who you are and how you choose to live your life!
    Love to you!

    • Thank you, Jean, your beautiful affirmation brings tears to my eyes! (wonderful tears.)

      *Life is all about the healing and connecting power of love* is such a powerful affirmation; when we choose to live this experience, we are choosing to live infinite possibility.

      I recognize that we each have an inner child; so there is an element in this letter that speaks to each person, whether we have cherished or “abandoned” that inner child, determines the quality of life we feel and experience.

      Love to *you*!

  4. Your daughter – that I will mention I’ve known since birth. Loved what you said and id say that you are so right. She’s an awesome human being, I love her so much! Thank you for sharing article and HER with us!!

    • *grin* You have technically known my daughter since before birth…I remember being pregnant as our sons were playing, oblivious to the changes that sisters would bring! It is an honor to be my children’s mother, a learning experience through which my heart-space continues to expand, with love and gratitude.

  5. Wow Joy, what a beautiful letter. Thank you for sharing it. My mother passed away from cancer when I was 23. I watched her for 2 years before the end came. My father cared for her in that time and I am blessed to still have him in my life nearly 30 years later although he is now needing my care so the roles have reversed. I am much better at being a “parent” to him now than I was at being the young woman losing her mother. At the time I was not able to cope with what was happening to my mum and I regret so much that I didn’t spend more time with her but I can’t change the past and I have forgiven myself now. I do wish she could have seen what a beautiful grandaughter she has and how proud she would be to see her as she got married and now finishes her nursing degree. I miss her dearly.

    • Thank you, Lynn, for sharing this reflection of your mother. Thank you for having the courage to share from a vulnerable space! I cannot imagine the feeling of observing your mother’s illness and death. I understand the feeling of “miss” quite well. I am not familiar with your spiritual practice; however I believe that love is an infinite energy, so your daughter has some of your mother’s love within.

      As I center into presence, when I feel “miss” I send gratitude to that person, for their presence in my life. So, I think ‘thank you for being present for x amount of years.’ This practice shifts the energy from that of loss to that of abundance…the joy of having connected and shared….and naturally dissolves regret.

      It is such a blessing for your dad that you are vesting presence to caring for him.

      As I read your words, I feel warmth and generosity and a lot of love…thank you for sharing!

  6. […] around feminine energy. I was raised in a patriarchal family and also in a patriarchal religion and my birth mother left when I was young (the story I heard was that she was a feminist and children didn’t fit in […]

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