I intended to write a message about birthday rituals and practices, to share here in this space, on the life-changing day I am choosing to celebrate my calendar birthday, but I wrote The Gap of Grace instead.
(I have learned to follow my heart whispers, so I no longer question, I simply live the nudges.)
It is a life-changing day because for years I did not celebrate my calendar birthday.
I would tell you that I was raised in a space where presents where often conditional and also typically followed by huge drama. Eventually, the joy of receiving presents was shadowed by the drama; I decided I would rather celebrate each day fully and share energetically than receive into my life the chaos that came with tangible gifts.
This childhood conditioning followed me well into adulthood.
The Surprise Party
I remember that one year, the children’s dad planned a surprise party for me. He kept telling me we were going out for my birthday and I kept asking if we might stay home and order takeout food instead, so I could celebrate with the children and have a refreshing sleep.
I spent the entire week telling all of my friends I wish I wasn’t going out on my birthday (the very friends who would be at this party I didn’t know was happening).
On the day of my birthday, he had to work over-time, which meant I was feeling a bit harried and I definitely knew I didn’t want to go anywhere. But he was insistent. I literally spent the kid’s afternoon nap crying on the phone to my friends.
Imagine my surprise when he came home, picked me up, and we walked into a room full of the people whom I had been crying to. Yep, Happy Birthday.
(And, yes, this is the same man bringing us to mediation on Friday then court on Monday to contest the custody schedule we have had for seven years; against the children’s wishes and will.)
Here is the thing.
I share that story with you as perspective. I continued to draw to me the energy that was familiar from my childhood–until the moment I chose to practice in ways that shifted my internal energy. External wasn’t feeling very good; instead of attempting to manipulate it, I chose to learn and center into practices of presence and energy movement – naturally removing barriers as I fully embraced the joy of life.
So, when I hear myself say something such as “I don’t celebrate my calendar birthday” and my reason is because presents had come with conditions and drama; I clearly see that thought no longer fits my reality.
And I clearly see the deeper reason is that I was so mad at/disappointed in/less than delighted with myself that I chose to be born into the experiences I was born into that I would celebrate every other day but my birth day (I bet now you see it clearly, too).
This is not a judgment, simply an observation to understand so I may swoop in and apply love and gratitude to it all.
I have the choice to release that thought just *like this* – creating an affirmation such as “I am open to receiving abundance in ways that delight my entire being, enhance my connections, and enrich my life”, then choosing to live this new experience.
And, I know this ability has something to do with the energy of grace – the desire to keep heart-space open to connect and create with Love, regardless of external.
And I know living grace moved me into this new space, where magic is once again *real* and each day is overflowing with synchronicity and abundance and joy.
So, yes, today I am choosing to celebrate my birthday.
And, I am hosting a birthday special on personal *manifesting and moving* sessions – 50 % off through July 21, 2013 9p (PDT), because I enjoy sharing my gifts.
What I would love to know is when you find yourself thinking “it has always been this way” do you have a practice to examine that thought, and perhaps shift it? Or do you simply allow it to stand and keep creating and connecting the same way?
Tanya Levy shares some wonderful insights and tips in this article I Allow Grace – An Affirmation for our Today Self. Tanya is a friend and Facets community member; I love her energy, photos, message and style and the wondrous synchronicity that she chose to explore grace in the same moments I am exploring grace delights me! It is an honor to share her work here.
Much peace and abundant love,
PS. You can make a birthday wish, too. Each day truly is a *birth* day…so please remember to make your wishes and allow them to return your reality. No wish is too small, no wish is too big…and each wish is absolutely possible, when you allow it to be. Would you like to share?