I began the day with this photo.
I set the intention for the weekend to be a centered “in-breath”.
Then, I read these two articles and my heart broke wide-open:
Suicide and Being Solo Forever by Jeannie.
I didn’t know Anita Mac (the inspiration for Jeannie’s article) but, as I read her last post What Do You Do With a Broken Heart?, I wept.
What do you do with a broken heart? This is the basis of the work that I do and I do it because I have been there, most recently:
- One weekend a few years back, my dad and my then boyfriend attempted suicide on the same day. (Yes, I saw the pattern I was living–scared me! A catalyst for change). They didn’t know each other and neither succeeded.
- A little over 18 months ago, I lost everything except for my children: my health, the love of my life, my best friend/soul-brother, my home, consistent income. But…I was gifted Facets, so even though I felt like I couldn’t breathe, I knew the way out for me was not death, and by then I had practiced presence for years, so all I could do was to be present to it. The pain. The kind that whispers “not enough, you suck, this will never ever get better”…the tears that stream in the most unexpected and inconvenient places (I took to wearing glitter eye-shadow, even though I don’t wear makeup, so when I cried, it would at least leave “pixie dust” on my face).
I learned that what one does during a heart-break is to keep it open, to feel it, to not build barriers (because then one would have to repeat the lesson)…and it can be excruciating…it requires support and love and appreciation and affirmation and presence to all that enlivens and enriches at a time when one wishes to be closed and hide away. It requires trust in love, Universe, the natural process of life, flow, unfolding at a time when one doubts everything. It requires awareness of integrating the experience at a time when one truly wants to release it all.
All you know when you are in it is that you are not where you’d like to be and you don’t know how to get there and you don’t think it’s possible and you surely don’t wish to feel anything let alone hope.
So, I built/am still building Facets. Because what I know is the energy of heart-break and how to move through it, to heal it, to live with joy, again.
And, I offer a class list with names such as: I Believe in Magic and Illuminate Your Heart Whispers and Present to Possibility in the Gap (this is not about selling those classes to you, this is about “how” they came to be) because if I said let me hold your hand as you move through heart-break you would say no thank you, but if I instead invite you to take a moment to step outside and breathe in the fresh air and photo it for me, you will agree. And in that process of creating, you will begin to feel joy and beauty and passion and peace, even in spaces you didn’t think possible.
Sometimes I look at this site and I think what am I doing–as in what is it for? Who cares? Who am I to do this work?
What I don’t know about business and online work and what I don’t love about marketing and charging a fee and technology sometimes seems to far outweigh what I do know about the energies of World and how to move through them, with love and gratitude.
So I make-up new ways of creating and connecting that resonate with my values and I keep learning and stretching and growing because my ultimate purpose in life is to alleviate that pain and hold hands as people move through it, to be the Love in the room/on the Web and to encourage us all to be that Love.
But it feels inconsequential when I know people are hurting and I cannot touch that.
And it feels really silly to be worried about details when the truth is, the answer is always Love.
When we are not equipped to Love our essence and we are unable to tap into Universal Love, we need a mirror to reflect to us that which we have forgotten.
And, it might be that still some people are unable to see the love and light that is reflected; that is okay…it is not our job (my job) to *make someone see*…it is simply for us to be as centered and consistent as possible in all that we reflect and share.
So, I’m going to start with Hannah’s suggestion and take the time to say hello, here within my Facets community, in each of my social media outlets, in each of my forums, in my home, my children’s schools, my community. To myself, to my God/ess.
I am going to take all of the time necessary. And, I don’t know what that will look like in my life, what that will mean for Facets, but I’m going to trust it’s the place to begin.
I ended the day with this photo – the afterglow of sunset.
When I saw the two photos together, I realized I began and ended the day in the same exact spot, looking to sky.
I think it’s quite a visual of how heart-space looks as it continues to open through doubt into trust.
May I ask, what is one practice that you use to move from the energy of doubt to trust? And, what is one way in which you might “say hello” to the people in your life? When you share, you affirm and inspire.
Thank you for your presence!
Much peace and abundant love,