You think and feel you’re alone…
then you look up and see Angel Wings…
and you remember who you are and where you came from and what is possible,
if you can simply hold on to hope and breathe through this moment…
I was walking along Ocean’s Edge, under Half Moon…. feeling incredibly alone, disheartened and discouraged.
I had manifested external energy that coursed through my peaceful life, enlivening my senses yet, was also rubbing right up against my internal blocks…amplifying friction and tension while testing everything I hold dear.
I found myself up against a wall of conditioning….observing for understanding as both sacred pieces and residual barriers fell away.
I chose not to cling (even though my mind asked me to) but, instead, to open my hands and my heart to honor an intentional “pause”.
I resisted the urge (reaction) to rush to pick up each piece and quickly put them back together and I left it all there, waiting patiently, intentionally, for the energy to completely unfold (creation).
I promised my self I would keep my heart open, leaning into this space, even if it was sensitive and the outcome was uncertain.
I experienced some of the most painful and some of the most joyful moments of my life. There comes a moment where one is in so much pain that fear dissipates (for how could anything *be worse* “than this”?) *and* there comes a moment where one is in such bliss that fear dissipates (for how could anything *be better* “than this”?).
As I walked, I looked up to sky…and I breathed it all in…the remembrance of who I am…far more than what is contained within my skin…
…in the almost darkness of twilight, the landscape I love glittered. I felt the presence of something bigger than I…hope, possibility.
External remained the same but, from that moment on, I stopped resisting the experience.
I chose to invite the energy of grace into each space…the “perfect” ones; the “ultra-messy/imperfect” ones.
In these moments of now–as I write this today–I am not who I was, nor have I become “who I aspire to be”…I am here, smack dab in the gap of grace.
I don’t have “the” answers, but I no longer need them; for, my heart is open, here, now, right where I am.
And, that, my friends is the gift of grace…*the miracle*…all else – anything I ‘gained’, anything I ‘lost’ pales in comparison.
As I write this, Matthew Schuler is singing Hallelujah on The Voice (the ultimate ‘grace song’…what a sign of affirmation!).
We are so quick to judge, to label, to numb, to advise, to bury, to criticize, to restrict….
…how quick are we to open our heart, especially in a space of that which we don’t understand or particularly enjoy the feeling of…..
Is there currently a space in your life where you might invite the energy of grace in? I know with the end-of-year preparations and holidays coming, there might be a few spaces asking for grace…(when you share, we learn!)
Much peace and abundant love,
I have been intentionally quiet in this space. I thank you for your patience and understanding as I took (am still taking) the time to apply my practices of presence to this heart opening. I greatly appreciate, and graciously receive, all of the energy and prayers that have been sent!
The next session of the Gap of Grace begins November 17 and runs through November 30. I am very much looking forward to this particular session! Pre -registration (with a 20% discount) is open now through November 13, 2013; registration at full cost is open through November 19, 2013.