Feeling Vulnerable at Home

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these lights line the path leading to the beach..

a “welcome home”….

I didn’t know what to expect when I set the January theme as “home” – for this site and also for this session of I Believe in Magic: 30 day Photo Journey. Already, in this one week, my heart has opened beyond what I thought possible!

I want to experience the fullness of love and gratitude in each moment so I am working on releasing patterns and conditioning – part of this inner work for me revolves around the concept of home.

I feel “at home” in nature – in “God’s Country” as my dad called it during hours long weekend drives over rolling hills and through forest and by lakes in upstate NY.  My childhood home was one of chaos and tension and lots of change but, those weekend drives were full of peace and possibility, and I treasured each moment!

I would breathe in whatever gifts each season presented to me (far before “breathing in” was mainstream, it was natural to me) – the glorious, colorful leaves of Fall; the crisp air and ice of Winter; apple blossoms of Spring; refreshing swimming holes in Summer.

What I felt in that home was something I didn’t wish to feel in adulthood, nor did I wish to share with my children as I created our home space. The challenge was (and sometimes continues to be) that I would be comfortable as a traveling yogi and I understand fully that during these formative years my children thrive in a stable space in which they feel comfortable and safe to rest and refresh and explore and just be. And, my inner child thrives in such a space as well. We “need” a home base.

What I know about heart wounds is that when one feels pain, one chooses to be anywhere but the space that pain occurs.  So, my comfort in nature and my decision to send my heart whispers soaring is, in part, because being “at home” in physical shelter and my body, is still a bit painful for me.  I don’t quite “know how” for myself – although I set the energy well for others.  Our home is one that many choose to visit – the energy is that of an oasis. And my body is something that many compliment — on the ways I choose to move it and be in it. So, looking in, some might not understand this stretch.

Can you identify with any of the above? 

I chose to collaborate with love and ask peers and friends to guest post during this January theme of home – in part, if I want my heart space to expand, if I am going to lead us into new territory, it is best for me to be immersed in the energy of love.

“Perfection is not my home. Comfort that evokes life’s truths is.

I stopped shaming myself into trying to be the perfect housekeeper, started trusting my desire for comfort, then the place I lived became home. Once at home I could relax into who I am.”from Sandi Davis’ article My Home. My Comfort. My Imperfect Beauty. 

Our bodies are deserving of our best love and effort, of the time and space required in order to feel restored and able. Far from being arbitrary, our daily self-care is the way that we pledge allegiance to our skin, the way that we crawl back inside of our bones and take up residence there.

It is through taking care of ourselves that we are able to begin to know, deep in our core, that we are worth caring for.

We can choose to be our own good mother, our own tender steward. We can choose to cut through the noise of our daily lives and the perceived importance of external validation and prioritize the humble yearnings of softest selves.” – from Mara Glatzels’ article Coming Home to Your Body.

(Please take the time to read these articles and share your voice in the conversation in the comments.)

I half wanted registration in my photo class to be low so I could cancel it – so afraid to show up (my goodness what the heck am I doing???? leaning into the magic of home!!!!), so afraid not to (because I really really want this stretch).

So I view this photo and receive these words from my son on the first day of my photo class (and my son’s presence in this class fills my heart with gratitude beyond words!)

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I always felt like a fireplace is a good symbol for home. On a cold winter day, a family would toss some wood into the fireplace, make a fire, and then huddle around the fire, getting comfortable. And to me, home is warm and comfortable, like a fireplace.

– photo credit and words Kevin H.

(Registration for I Believe in Magic – Home Edition – is open through January 14, 2014. Come join us!)

And, I realize, I don’t need to know what home is supposed to feel like or look like or be – home in my body, in a physical shelter, here on Earth…I haven’t been doing it “right” or “wrong”…let all of that go….

I can simply open my heart to celebrate this feeling of home, as it is now, and Love and Gratitude come swooping in, gently guiding me to See and Appreciate the home I am in – in all realms, in all spaces. 

I invite you to open your heart with me. And to join in this exploration. Why? Because when we feel “at home” everything truly is possible – we live our heart truth, easily; we manifest abundance; we express love fully;we feel peace, as we are.

Sometimes when we choose to open heart to new and different, we feel vulnerable…and that sensitivity discourages further opening.

I would like to share with you a practice I recently discovered. I really like the energy in this practice and the care and love that Christine shares as she guides us through it: Difficult Emotions, the Safety Zone That is Movement Practice and a Self-Blessing.  I do hope that you take the time to listen to her words and try the practice; I found it very healing.

May I ask, as you read over the various themes presented today – not knowing what home feels like….preferring nature over physical shelter….being afraid to show up and afraid not to…reaching out to collaborate with love…experiencing a heart opening…what stands out to you? And, what would you like to share in response from your journey?

I thank you for your presence! I learn so much from all that you choose to share! 

Much peace and abundant love,

Joy

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