Because I spent much of my life surviving, it never occurred to me that I would live into my 40’s (or to thrive!).
I didn’t have a life plan beyond moving myself out of abuse and doing whatever work I needed to in order to heal my heart wounds and keep on making enough money to have the basic necessities in life.
I really didn’t think it would be possible to heal my heart wounds and I felt that eventually I would be homeless. (I would prefer not to be but, given the patterning that formed from my childhood on, it was statistically likely for me unless I could re-pattern). From that one sentence you can probably understand that I wasn’t looking forward in life, I was really just doing what I needed to in order to breathe and to get through each day.
Even though I have been doing inner work since my son was born 17 years ago, my heart wish was simply that I would have the ability to be fully present with my children until they finished high school. To me, ‘fully present’ meant to physically be home with them before and after school and on the weekends to share heart connection and celebration of life together.
I didn’t have that in my own childhood, and I surely didn’t know how that was going to happen but I wanted it with every ounce of my being. Here we are, with my son a senior in high school and my daughter a sophomore in high school- so close to realizing that dream!
I never looked beyond that dream – because to me, that would truly be living infinite possibility and I didn’t feel it possible for me.
So, it is with great wonder and awe that, two days ago on the 18th of July, I celebrated my 45th birthday!
I typically don’t celebrate calendar holidays but I intended that day to be a ‘life-chapter opener’ and I felt that called for celebration.
What I mean by ‘life-chapter opener’ is that this year is obviously full of transition for the kids and I as they explore their own paths and I have more freedom to explore mine. We are – individually and together – living in newness each and every day. So I wanted some sort of intentional practice to symbolically ‘flip the page’ of my life book and open a new chapter – leaving the stories from my past in my past, yet bringing the energy and lessons forward into my now.
I do practice that each moment is a new beginning. However, with my birthday following Solstice energy in June and the full moon the first week of July, along with new moon last week and full moon next week, it felt like a powerful time to set intentions and open to *more*.
I’d like to share a bit of my celebration with you, via a few photos and words to describe them.
My intention in sharing is not to say *’woo-hoo’ I am 45!* but to invite you to think about and feel into my life experience and perhaps be inspired to keep dreaming and doing the inner work to open to and experience those dreams.
Remember, I have been practicing presence as a way of life for many years, so much of it is natural for me *now* but it wasn’t. I’m creating this life as I move through each day!
I understand that you don’t start in chaos and pain and all of a sudden experience peace because you said a few positive words or cleared your space once.
I also understand that
each time you choose to speak positive words and to clear your space – along with a myriad of other practices of presence – it shifts the energy in that moment so that you can feel peace and heal and grow from there.
What I am sharing with you today is only possible because I chose (and keep choosing) to take one intentional, centered and empowered step after another to keep my heart open to experience the fullness of life. I’m still stepping – and I’m still learning – only now it’s with a heart overflowing with love and gratitude and a way of being in world that cultivates grace and peace, through compassion, joy and presence.
Thank you for being present to sharing in my birthday celebration!
As I move through my day, I love looking for signs of affirmation and direction from Universe. I was able to take photos of a few of those signs to share with you as a reminder that, yes, we do see what we look for and are focused on!
Although I live in a drought-ridden state, the morning of my birthday the sky was full of heavy, dark rain clouds. I decided to go to the beach anyway, to walk along ocean’s edge, pray and offer blessings and gratitude and breathe in the energy around me.
The above photo was taken from the street in front of my home, where my car was parked. I feel that bit of blue in the mid-left looks like a heart.
My gas tank was completely on empty, so I drove to the gas station. Numerology fascinates me so, as I pulled into the gas station, I asked Universe to direct me to the ‘right’ pump number for me. I told myself that whatever number was on the pump would be a ‘guide’ for the year. It was number 8 – a symbol of infinite possibility! (Yes! Thank you, Universe!)
With a heart smile, I drove to the beach. Of course, although the air temperature and water was cold, I walked barefoot at ocean’s edge. Walking in sand is grounding and letting the waves lap my feet, ankles and calves puts me right in flow. (I also have this ‘thing’ about getting my clothes wet – I don’t mind if Ocean sprays up on them, to me it’s kind of like a blessing. And, yes, most of my clothes have a bit of a salt stain along the hemline!)
I kept walking and then a miracle happened – it began to rain!!! (Yes!!! Thank you, Universe! Quite a blessing!) My heart filled with gratitude. I got wet, but I love the elements so I didn’t care.
The rain lasted about 20 minutes. When it was over, I felt that would be a perfect time to take a birthday selfie. For lighting purposes, I turned with my back toward the ocean and for heart-purposes, I kept one foot in the water and I snapped a few shots. I was completely centered, heart wide-open, standing in flow, full of love and gratitude. I think that’s pretty apparent in this photo.
I posted my photo on my social media outlets then began walking back to the car. I posted from the beach instead of later at home because I wanted the energy in it to be fresh so that people viewing it could feel what I was feeling (if they wished). (That’s part of the heart healing energy I choose to center and share and a simple way I choose to share it.)
I turned around to say ‘goodbye’ to the beach and thank you for sharing such magnificent energy with me on my birthday, when I saw “a portal to heaven” in the rain clouds!
That was a bit of my birthday morning. The other ‘sign’ I saw was later in the day, after more rain, the kids and I were walking by the side of the house to the car and saw this snail! I looked up the meaning of snail medicine and the gist is ‘trust, protect your inner child, and a reminder that it can take time to cover long distances’.
I also feel this post gives you a bit of a feel for these phrases you may often hear me say and how I practice in daily life: “I practice presence to unfolding within organic growth” and “I tap into elemental energy to create” and “my business (and life) is create organically with heart energy”.
Dear Reader: As you feel into the energy of my ‘birthday signs’, if you have any insight about the signs I received, please share it. I invite you to share an experience from one of your recent birthday celebrations that lit your heart. I also invite you to share an experience of noticing, and celebrating, a ‘universal sign’ while moving through your day.
Thank you for your presence!
Much peace and abundant love,
If you are interested in receiving guidance and support for your manifesting practice, I am facilitating one month of “Manifesting with Joy” beginning August 1st. For more information, and to register, please click the title link.
I also facilitate a photo course “I Believe in Magic” – a celebration of ‘daily magic’, much like what you see here in this post. The next session begins September 3rd. For more information, and to register, please click the title link.