Shifting Energy in August and “Losing” my Mother

I last wrote in this space on August 1st. This might be the longest stretch of time in the almost eight years I have been blogging (half of that through my previous websites) that I haven’t written consistently.

So, I’m just going to write – as I would to a friend. Not because I feel obligated, but because this Facets of Joy community is a space of heart connection and I feel it’s important to share a bit of what is happening in my life, so you understand my silence (and perhaps are inspired in your life to open your heart to connect even when you are feeling vulnerable).

I’ve primarily been offline since the last week of July. That is incredibly interesting and significant, considering the bulk of my income is generated through the coaching sessions and ecourses I offer through this online site. Each day I have the thought that this will be the day ‘things return to normal’ (meaning, that I will have a block of time to create in and our daily family flow will be re-established) and each day it ‘doesn’t return to normal’.

Although, I’m not sure ‘normal’ exists – especially when a person is focused on daily inner work. We can’t possibly manifest, shift, release, celebrate, open, create, practice unfolding and think this day or any future day will resemble the previous ones, logistically, it’s not possible because what worked (flow-wise) the day before may not feel as comfortable or appealing this day. The day is new, you are new, all around you is new. Usually that is why – and how – infinite possibility/magic/blessings/miracles is able to swoop in.

Most of August required (not in a heavy way, but in a light-filled, purpose-driven, heart-centered way) that I share extra energy and attention with my children and hold space for individual and family growth and healing. A few examples: My son had a minor medical procedure on his hand that is still healing, then had all four wisdom teeth removed at once, all of which spanned three weeks time. Both of my children began a new school year – it’s my son’s senior year which will bring many changes and my daughter’s sophomore year.

Then, I (gladly) began consulting medical doctors, which resulted in a series of tests that are scheduled through October, to work on gathering information to help heal some physical symptoms that had begun to affect my quality of life. As an energy healer, I absolutely understand the energy in each symptom; while I continue to work on that, I feel it’s important to gather as much information as possible to make informed choices and – most importantly – to gift myself whole body wellness to a new degree.

All of the energy of these events are interwoven. I understand why they are present. (In part because in June solstice I declared an intention that I’d like to thrive and part of that is ensuring physical wellness as well as comfort in physical life.) I am not complaining, so I hope you don’t read into my words – I am simply sharing so you have an understanding.

During all of that, I do daily practices of presence. I thank myself for holding space and for each step. I share gratitude, daily, with all that lights my life and for the blessings in my life. And, I try to make sure I am gifting myself the basic self-care, including plenty of water to drink, lots of deep restorative sleep, foods that nourish, and being present at least a few moments a day to things that inspire, refresh and uplift my energy and spirit. There is lots of laughter (because to me, laughter is the ultimate medicine), play, so much love, and tons of counting of blessings.

And, then, yesterday I received a huge, unexpected ‘surprise’. It’s fresh and is going to require some processing and intentional breathing before I can even begin to explore the energetic meaning (as far as timing and placement).  I feel as though I am currently in energetic shock (and probably also grief).

The ‘gist’ is that, as many of you know, I hadn’t known my birth mother in my life. I felt abandoned (as she left me with my dad when I was young), hurt, not enough and all of that wove it’s way into why I was able to stay in patterns of abuse and chaos for much of my life.  I felt unworthy, I was told how unworthy I was by my first step-mother and I stayed in ‘unworthy’ until I had my own children and decided to heal and learn new ways of living because I wanted them to experience peace and possibility. (From that, Facets of Joy and the work I do now, eventually, organically, evolved.)

Yesterday, I received a message from someone who contacted me to share information about my birth mother with me. Within a few moments, we were speaking on the phone. It turns out he is my birth mother’s recent husband and part of what he had to share was that she recently passed away. He then told me some of what he was told about why my mother left and why she didn’t connect with me. He also gave me valuable medical history information (timely).

He then sent me a few recent photos of her – it’s the first time I have clearly seen her face and felt into her energy. He wrote a nice letter to me this morning, telling me words I wish my mother had said (and who knows if she felt?). He seems to have a good heart and ultimately what he shared is a gift, because the information will help increase my understanding of my patterning (and hopefully unravel ties that bind, more easily and gently). For now, though, my mind is blown and I’m ‘floored’.

I create from my heart space – I center then stream out whatever forms ask to be shaped. So, you can see why I hadn’t been creating. It makes no sense to me, though, and isn’t in alignment with, my personal intention to keep my heart wide-open in my personal, daily life, but then clam up and withdraw from this space (which I have described, and feel, is my heart space on the web). So, here I am.

This month, I learned through loving my children, how to hold space to a new depth, with more love and compassion, than I have previously. I learned how effective centering can be and how potent practices of presence truly are. I am learning to listen ultra-closely to my heart, to trust flow/Source/and the good of Universe in a new way, that allows for ease and joy in unfolding. I am learning the importance of self-care, self-love, self-compassion. And, I am learning strength of boundaries and how much magic flows when we have the courage to set and honor them.

I was previously scheduled to be primarily offline two more weeks – through September 8th. The timing of that astounds me right now!

I can’t tell you what I will create next.  This week, when time permits, I am going to re-write the main pages of my site to show the clarity and strength of my beliefs and my purpose for sharing this work. I am going to re-write my ecourse page. And, I am going to continue to share here from this ultra-vulnerable space, with the hope that we can continue learn, grow and heal together.

There are many things in life I don’t know but I can say with utmost certainty that being love matters, and that choosing to believe in and honor the goodness of this world absolutely amplifies the peace, joy and possibility available to you in daily life while growing ‘the good’ you experience and receive in life. 

I shared this next part on my personal Facebook page this morning and am sharing it with you because I would love to receive your insight:

Because I live so fully present, I very naturally, with no thought or practice, wake refreshed and open to this new day – kind of like I leave the bulk of yesterday in yesterday and start fresh.

It is odd for me then, to still feel very much energetically enmeshed in yesterday’s personal news of receiving a message from (and then speaking with) my birth mother’s recent husband. I hadn’t known her in life – it didn’t feel good to be ‘abandoned’ and I have had so many questions for her – and now she has died.

The information he provided me with is unsettling, some things I felt to be true my entire life but never had confirmation of, and ultimately I suppose I will sift through and find great peace. Because with knowledge comes a greater capacity for understanding and also peace. It’s going to take a bit of intention and inner work to get to that space.

For now, I have a question for you. I really do wish for your opinion/wisdom/insight/life experience.

From what I was told, my mom was agnostic and didn’t hold the spiritual beliefs that I do. What I hold true, spiritually in my heart, and practice, daily, is that we can call upon the deceased as angels or energetic forces to support and assist us for clarity, protection and also affirmation. As ‘guides’, if you will.

So I can’t tell based upon what was shared of my mother’s beliefs, is she available as a guide to me, or not. And, how will I know if she is. And, since she wasn’t available to me in life, would that possibly change now that her energy has expanded with passing? Please, do share your beliefs. I am open to learning. Thank you!

Much peace and abundant love,

Joy

PS. This article is very ‘me-centered’. So you might wonder, what are you to learn from reading it?

I don’t know. I’m not ‘teaching’ anything specifically, I’m simply sharing from my heart to yours.

It might be that as you read this part of my journey, you can feel into what I have shared here, ask questions, turn it inward and apply it to your way of processing energetic dynamics.

And: So often, when our hearts feel tender, we quickly throw up a guard or barrier and withdraw – but really that’s the best time to keep your heart open, center just a bit deeper, and connect. Maybe my experience will inspire you to keep exploring different centering and heart-opening practices that you can play with now, so when you ‘need’ them in a challenging situation, they are comfortable and *work*.

Related Posts:

Comments on: "Shifting Energy in August and “Losing” my Mother" (8)

  1. Oh, Joy, again, I am so sorry that you have had to process this news and that you will not be able to get any information from your mother about what caused, enabled, drove her to abandon you to an abusive family. All anyone can do is just guess how a mother could abandon her child, what it could have been that over-rode the love a mother has for her child, what switch in her brain flipped so that she could justify just leaving and not coming back. Clearly, she found some way to live with what she did (and what she did not do—return for you), and that is what does not make sense to the normal person. And I am sure that is the primary question you would want to ask her (that would be my primary question). If what I believe about death is true, that you get to see the details of your entire life as you die, then your mother has had to look at who she has been and feel all of the feelings that her leaving caused you. Even if she was too emotionally sick to think about anyone but herself when she left, I believe that her complete self was restored at death, healed, if you will, and that she got to experience the effects of her actions on you and probably others that might have been hurt. And just maybe she is feeling the full, probably over-whelming love for you now, that she was either unable or unwilling to feel in life. So, if that is the case, she just might be the most loving angel you could ever have, Joy (and this makes me tear up to say). I believe this with my whole heart even though I have no proof ——it just makes sense to me. I really do hope this helps you process this whole thing, Joy. I send you so much love!

    • Thank you for your love and presence, Jean and for sharing this reflection!

      I think fear must have been what over-rode the natural love a mother has for her child.

      The primary question I would ask her is ‘what do I need to know about my early childhood (because I don’t remember it) that will help me to heal and shift my patterning, today, so I can prevent passing that on to my children’? (I feel by being present with my children, with love, kindness and gratitude, I have very much broken that cycle and patterning passed on to me by both of my parents.)

      I’m hoping she is a loving angel – for her own peace, and for whatever being a loving angel can do for the world, in general.

      What a beautiful, grace-filled, loving heart you have, Jean!!

  2. Joy, honestly, I think you have broken that pattern—-you do not let fear run your life and you make love the primary motivation in your life—–so that pattern of fear is gone, I believe. Whatever deeper things, I don’t know, but your entire way of raising your children and hanging in there no matter what is SO different from your mom’s. And your intention to NOT repeat the family patterns is SO strong that I think you can let that go. But I cannot see as deeply as you want to go. But from what I CAN see, you have changed everything from what she did. You are coming from love and she, probably, came from fear.
    I do hope she has been restored to a whole, fearless and loving soul now, who is able to be who she was meant to be, even if it is not in physical life. So much love to you, Joy!

  3. Yes she can be communicated with more easily once she passes. When we convert back to energy we don’t exactly take our personalities with us, but we do take our knowledge of all lifetimes. Sometimes you can ask to connect right after a passing, but because they are “busy” on the other side (life reviews, for instance) it can take a while for them to show up. I can help you connect when you are ready, if you want.

    • Thank you for sharing, Julie! I keep wondering what I would tell a client, if I was asked (with these details) and I am sure I would say ‘check in with your heart’ and then refer them to someone like yourself who has more experience that I with this.

      While I connect with my guides and I call in angel and universal energy quite easily and regularly, I’m coming up against a wall on this one – which must mean my emotions are in the way. So, I very much appreciate your feedback and insight!!

  4. I believe that each soul is a part of all that is, God, if you will. Because God is everything, even the dark side that has broken to the side and manifests itself unto itself, it is still a part of the whole. The reasons for this are sometimes understandable, other times they are unfathomable. I trust that it is there for a reason that ultimately benefits in the end.

    As for your mother, there is no doubt a side to the story that you are unaware of. A set of circumstances that have molded and shaped her, influenced her thinking and point of view.

    I believe that a soul reincarnates in order to continue the souls progression to enlightenment, the completeness of God. When a soul chooses to come into the world, it is with a lesson to be learned as well as to provide a teaching lesson to others. Some of these lessons will be fleeting and can still be impactful, other lessons will play out a major role in other people’s lives, such as what happened to you.

    The lessons you have learned, in what has made you strong and aware, and providing growth to your soul came from a place of rejection. With out her providing the impact she had on your life you would not be the same. Her way of being, painful as it was, provided a form of benefit for you that you might not have received or learned fully of in any other way. It usually takes hindsight or a lifetime to fully appreciate this.

    Also each soul progresses in its own way, at its own pace. You chose to come into this world with her as your mother because of the possible soul lessons that she would provide to teach you. Also you did the same for her in return. You provided a soul’s lesson in humanity that she learned from. Whether or not she learned enough is something that only she will know. If she did not learn she will have to learn it another way with different circumstances in another life time.

    You are still here in this lifetime, your learning is not complete. You still have room to cultivate and appreciate what the essence of love really is. Think of all the forms that love has. What it truly means, the selflessness of it. It must be what you manifest to the world, it must be so ingrained that you don’t know of any other way. That would be the ultimate goal of the soul, to express pure love without reservation.

    So knowing this, and knowing the frailty of the human condition with its penchant for making mistakes, what are the finest qualities that you are going to take and keep with you as an expression of pure love? How are you going to take the bitter lesson and glean that one kernel of shining truth that was meant for you to learn and make it become a permanent part of your soul’s enlightenment?

    Maybe your mother gave you all that she had to give, her bungling way hurtful as it was to you, scarred her as well. So will she be one to draw on in the future in your heart? I would say that she gave already and methinks you have already took the precious bit of wisdom and learned to manifest it clearly now in a way she never could.

    That she left so much undone, leads me to believe that she still has many soul lessons to learn in spite of your teachings you provided to her. I do believe that you did provide impact to her, she just didn’t grasp it.

    Your belief in gleaning what you can from the essence of God in the forms of angels is a human understanding of how to do that, as your knowledge grows and you put into practice the divine essence of love, God, you become more and more of that, of God.

    You become an aware part of God, as now you are already part of God just not fully awakened. By all means draw the energy of love from what ever person, place, thing or essence that you can of pure love and make it a part of you.

    Each person comes to earth with their own truth, their expression of God, it will not lessen it can only grow, be it slow or not. Each person connects with so many others, always with the opportunity to learn to be pure love, to be God in all manifestations.

    • Wow, Eileen – thank you for taking the time to share your insight! I have read this comment a few times, first to think about the wording you chose, then to feel into the meaning and let it settle and weave its way into my understanding and practice of being present with an open heart.

      Now that there is time between my initial experience of her husband calling and now, I feel much peace and clarity around this. No, I won’t be calling in her energy. It’s not necessary in my life and I don’t feel it will be enriching.

      Like you shared so eloquently here, I do believe I chose my family. I also believe I have learned from the mirror she (and my dad) presented and from the desire to understand and shift pain, I re-patterned from a cycle of abuse. My choice to be present to my children, going on 17 years now!, clearly shows I have taken what was presented to me as a child and gifted my children something incredibly different. Turning that inward also gifted my inner child and sharing my practices and presence with world supports us each in experiencing peace, possibility and love in daily life.

      Thank you for the gift of your words and sharing! May each person who reads what you have shared be blessed by your message and the energy in it!!

Please share your voice: "Shifting Energy in August and “Losing” my Mother"

When you share, we learn!