On the morning of my first of two surgeries (last Thursday and the second is hopefully in June) – which also happened to be New Moon – I chose to open the day with sunrise on the beach.
I wanted to experience the magnificent beauty of sunrise – to invite it in to light my heart and work it’s ‘inner magic’ by amplifying love and reflecting to me who I am beyond my Earthly choices and experience. I also had written out my New Moon intentions, for myself and my children, and I wanted to bless them and put them in flow by burying them at ocean’s edge and watching as the waves took them out to sea.
As I was exiting the car, I received an email from a soul sister friend requesting prayer for something in her life experience. I thought ‘how perfect’ (as far as timing, not as far as what she may have been feeling!) because I was already in a special, sacred space, ready to connect to Source and offer gratitude, along with petitions.
(One note: it’s always the ‘right time’ to ask for energetic support – Source meets you in your request through a myriad of ways!)
Grace. What I wanted to feel was….Grace.
To be clear, I don’t believe Grace involves suffering or sacrifice. To me, Grace is a beautiful energy – the physical action of calling in light and spirit to a moment I might feel constriction, while energetically opening my heart to ask for and feel possibility to be shown and how to love when I’m unsure or feeling vulnerable.
Well, as you can see by the photo, sunrise was not glorious and magnificent, as I had hoped.
I had a few moments of disappointment, until I walked a few steps, breathing in the fresh air and realizing how blessed I was (am) to have made the choices I did to live here, in So Ca, by the beach, and to be me, walking here, with intention to open my heart to more Love.
I saw the beauty in these blues and, of course, was able to see and celebrate the bit of light you see in the photo.
(I knew I had the choice to remove my presence – we always have that choice! – but my heart said ‘stay and experience this’, and I chose to listen.)
What is shining through here is pure Love.
You see, the shift happened naturally when I:
- acknowledged my disappointment
- chose to hold space for that disappointment to unfold without attempting to change it and without judging myself for feeling it
- looked for the connector energy of light and love, which is *always* there
- decided to celebrate the steps I had taken to be there, instead of criticize them
- opened to the beauty in what I was in (and during that opening, expectation naturally dissolved)
When I allowed myself to receive *this* gift of beauty, I felt the presence of Grace!! I couldn’t have planned that or manipulated it into being – it appeared as soon as I allowed it to.
I know this was a physical visual that fits my current life experience (things don’t always look or appear to be in this moment like I want them to but there is beauty and love in them, when I allow myself to open to notice and celebrate it).
(Maybe something in this speaks to you?)
One of my favorite things to do while walking on the beach is to skip stones. I am sure I’ve mentioned this in previous articles. Because I’ve practiced consistently, I’m quite good at it. I can read the current and wave pattern well so I know exactly when to throw the stone to get the best result and I can tell, depending upon the conditions of the ocean, what weight stone would be best.
As I walk, I look to the ocean and the sky, but if I’m in a spot with lots of stones, I look for the ‘perfect one’ (or two), then skip it. Sometimes, the stone skips several times in a row and sometimes I can ‘pop’ it on a wave, which results in the stone getting huge air time. If people are around, they usually exclaim in wonder (and I love that, too!).
I often attach a ‘care’ to the stone (something that is weighing heavy on my heart or on a loved one’s heart), then I skip it. It’s a practice of release and I trust that whatever I have released will be lightened as the waves carry it away. To me, the waves are abundant, expansive flow – infinite possibility – and I feel they take my stone and as it’s tousled, the heaviness is lightened.
With a heart full of love, I skipped stones for myself, my children, and my friend.
As I walked, I encouraged myself to ‘make it’ to the next jetty. After this encouragement, I had walked three jetty’s over (which is like three separate sections of beach) – too far for my current physical ability, considering I had to walk back!!
I centered and thanked myself for all I had experienced on the walk that was beautiful, lovely and light. (If I criticized myself, I wouldn’t have made the walk back very successfully or felt very good as I was doing it.)
By this time, my kids were awake and getting ready for school, so I texted them. (Not that I was ‘stuck’, just regular, “Good Morning, what’s in your day” kind of stuff.) I made it through two jetty’s this way – and then, they were off to school.
So, I started gratitude walking.
I started with what was easy to share gratitude for (my kids, our time together, the feel of mothering them and all I’ve learned and become through the process) and then I expanded it from there.
So, I did feel physical discomfort. I did have a few thoughts that this ‘push’ was probably not what I should be doing the morning of surgery. I did think ‘oh, poop, sometimes I’m so present I don’t think of the future’.
And, as that was running through, I was also feeling: deep peace, joy, wonder, awe, expansiveness, connected to Source, beauty, gratitude, love, grace.
So, as I walked, that discomfort didn’t close my heart, and the ‘goodness’ kept my steps light-filled (and do-able).
I made it to the car, with heart full of fabulous energy, which then was with me throughout the day (and the next few as well).
And, I think we can apply this practice/technique to any area of life we choose (which is why I’m sharing it with you).
Of course, because you care you are probably wondering what happened with surgery? It went well. I was home that night and I was awfully weepy for two days (which was unexpected). I was incredibly bored because the first two days I could only lay, not even sit, which limited what I could do. (What I did was sleep – a lot – pray, chant, write in my journal, text friends, watch a few TX shows and sleep some more.)
My goal in healing (and typically in each day, anyway) is to do things that connect me to source energy and to follow that thread of source energy through life.
Today, as I write, I can sit in spurts so my choices of activity slightly increased (yay!!).
I wrote a response to my friend’s prayer request, which flowed straight from my heart, and it felt like something to share with you, too – so I created this article from that experience. While I planned to write to my friend, I didn’t plan on writing this here – that’s pretty much ‘unfolding at it’s best’!
I understand that for the next few days I need to keep my energy turned inward so I can heal and ‘jump back into life’, so I can’t think of all that I need to ‘catch-up on’, do (everything I do on the weekend for our household is on ‘pause’ and my mind can’t comprehend how flow is going to be felt for us as this week unfolds, but my heart knows it will be!) or respond to (my in-box is over-flowing – if you’ve sent an email or message, thank you so much!! I’ve felt the love and support each person shared so it matters tremendously – and I will respond in the next few days). When my mind ‘goes there’, I gently bring it back to this moment, now and that seems to restore peace.
Thank you so much for sharing this experience of ‘grace in the morning sun’ with me!!
Dear Reader: As you consider what I’ve shared here, what arises within for you and/or speaks to your heart about something you are experiencing in life? When something in your present experience doesn’t look or feel ‘comfortable’ what is a practice that you use to hold space for that to unfold and/or to call grace in? (when you share, you inspire)
Much peace and abundant love,
I am not offering new ecourses until May. I am, however, offering personal sessions, with a 50%-off all sessions special through April 30, 2016, which are available in different packages via email or Skype. I specialize in positive parenting (a child and/or your inner child), heart healing, understanding your patterns, shifting energy into a more expansive space, manifesting in a specific area, moving as peacefully as possibly through a life transition and dream-tending. For more information, please click the link.