Sometimes We Need a Mirror


I began the day with this photo.  

I set the intention for the weekend to be a centered “in-breath”.

Then, I read these two articles and my heart broke wide-open:

Suicide and Being Solo Forever by Jeannie.

Hello, I Love You, Won’t You Tell Me Your Name by Hannah.

I didn’t know Anita Mac (the inspiration for Jeannie’s article) but, as I read her last post What Do You Do With a Broken Heart?, I wept. 

What do you do with a broken heart? This is the basis of the work that I do and I do it because I have been there, most recently:

  1. One weekend a few years back, my dad and my then boyfriend attempted suicide on the same day. (Yes, I saw the pattern I was living–scared me! A catalyst for change).  They didn’t know each other and neither succeeded.
  2. A little over 18 months ago, I lost everything except for my children: my health, the love of my life, my best friend/soul-brother, my home, consistent income.  But…I was gifted Facets, so even though I felt like I couldn’t breathe, I knew the way out for me was not death, and by then I had practiced presence for years, so all I could do was to be present to it.  The pain.  The kind that whispers “not enough, you suck, this will never ever get better”…the tears that stream in the most unexpected and inconvenient places (I took to wearing glitter eye-shadow, even though I don’t wear makeup, so when I cried, it would at least leave “pixie dust” on my face).

I learned that what one does during a heart-break is to keep it open, to feel it, to not build barriers (because then one would have to repeat the lesson)…and it can be excruciating…it requires support and love and appreciation and affirmation and presence to all that enlivens and enriches at a time when one wishes to be closed and hide away.  It requires trust in love, Universe, the natural process of life, flow, unfolding at a time when one doubts everything.  It requires awareness of integrating the experience at a time when one truly wants to release it all.

All you know when you are in it is that you are not where you’d like to be and you don’t know how to get there and you don’t think it’s possible and you surely don’t wish to feel anything let alone hope. 

So, I built/am still building Facets. Because what I know is the energy of heart-break and how to move through it, to heal it, to live with joy, again. 

And, I offer a class list with names such as: I Believe in Magic and Illuminate Your Heart Whispers and Present to Possibility in the Gap (this is not about selling those classes to you, this is about “how” they came to be) because if I said let me hold your hand as you move through heart-break you would say no thank you, but if I instead invite you to take a moment to step outside and breathe in the fresh air and photo it for me, you will agree.  And in that process of creating, you will begin to feel joy and beauty and passion and peace, even in spaces you didn’t think possible.

Sometimes I look at this site and I think what am I doing–as in what is it for? Who cares? Who am I to do this work?

What I don’t know about business and online work and what I don’t love about marketing and charging a fee and technology sometimes seems to far outweigh what I do know about the energies of World and how to move through them, with love and gratitude.

So I make-up new ways of creating and connecting that resonate with my values and I keep learning and stretching and growing because my ultimate purpose in life is to alleviate that pain and hold hands as people move through it, to be the Love in the room/on the Web and to encourage us all to be that Love.

But it feels inconsequential when I know people are hurting and I cannot touch that. 

And it feels really silly to be worried about details when the truth is, the answer is always Love.

When we are not equipped to Love our essence and we are unable to tap into Universal Love, we need a mirror to reflect to us that which we have forgotten.  

And, it might be that still some people are unable to see the love and light that is reflected; that is okay…it is not our job (my job) to *make someone see*…it is simply for us to be as centered and consistent as possible in all that we reflect and share. 

So, I’m going to start with Hannah’s suggestion and take the time to say hello, here within my Facets community, in each of my social media outlets, in each of my forums, in my home, my children’s schools, my community. To myself, to my God/ess.

I am going to take all of the time necessary. And, I don’t know what that will look like in my life, what that will mean for Facets, but I’m going to trust it’s the place to begin.


I ended the day with this photo – the afterglow of sunset.

When I saw the two photos together, I realized I began and ended the day in the same exact spot, looking to sky.

I think it’s quite a visual of how heart-space looks as it continues to open through doubt into trust.

May I ask, what is one practice that you use to move from the energy of doubt to trust? And, what is one way in which you might “say hello” to the people in your life? When you share, you affirm and inspire.

Thank you for your presence!

Much peace and abundant love,


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Comments on: "Sometimes We Need a Mirror" (16)

  1. Yes, Anita’s untimely death is very sad and even your post honors her spirit by talking about pain, love, trust, universe.

    Beautiful message you’ve crafted here. The work you do will have an immense impact on people — even if it’s just one person the impact will echo for a lifetime. Think of it. Echo! I always try to remember this: small is large. Keep reaching out through this site and people will listen. I am. Peace and love to you!

    • Thank you for choosing to share so openly in your original post, Nomadic Chick, and for taking the time to visit this space and leave a reflection.

      *Echo* is powerful – within energy movement and connection, what we vest presence to, grows. May we each vest presence to that which enlivens and enriches, offering encouragement and support as we explore and express in different ways! Peace and love to you, as well!

  2. Dear Joy:

    You have taught me and still teach me so much about vesting presence to joy, about moving through difficult situations by noticing the daily anchors and signs from the Universe. Each day your heart whispers center and anchor me.

    Blessings to you for your work matters, to me xo


    • Thank you, Tanya, for your presence here within this community – you have taught me to see hearts not just in the expected places, but *everywhere* and I love knowing that is possible! All I truly know to do is to open my heart to be the conduit of love and light – I am delighted that energy touches you, thank you for sharing!

  3. jean sampson said:

    Thank you for being you, Joy, and for sharing how you go through the tough times and the good times with an open heart. I will carry that with me and remember that I do NOT have to shut down when things get painful. Before I began reading your posts, that was my reaction to pain, to contract and get small and barely breathe. I know a different way now, thanks to you.
    Lots of love to you!

    • Wow, Jean, thank you for your presence and your kind words! I think many would identify with you – when pain is felt, there is a reaction to quick close up, numb, remove presence…when we can choose to practice gentle ways of moving through it, heart opens, peace is felt, and ultimately connection is deepened (to and with “self”, others, Source). We may create with, and through, pain, when we choose. I would love if you might share a practice that you currently use to move through a space of pain – when you share, we all learn.

      Love to you!

  4. Joy, it is so important to be in a moment, to recognize all the people in our lives who impact our lives and make a difference. It is important to feel pain, but be able to express it…for surely that is the way to lessen the pain. Being human is being open to hurt.

    Hope you and your family are having a beauty-filled weekend.

    ~~ Kim

    • Thank you, Kim, for your presence here and for all that you share!- sometimes wh

      There is a saying “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” and I just don’t believe that what doesn’t physically kill a person, energetically kills them because they aren’t able to breathe into and move through that pain. You touch on an essential point “it is important to feel pain, but be able to express it”.

      When we press that pain, we find self moving through “the impossible”, and heart opens to a degree of love that is wondrous.

      This weekend has been full of lots of beauty – I do hope you are experiencing the same!

  5. This is such a potent post, Joy. I feel you are moving even more deeply into love, truth, into your core. It’s such a powerful reminder to connect with and live from our heart. That’s all that really matters.

    • Thank you, Sandra, for your presence here and for your kind words.

      Yes, I am finding that in the past few weeks, my heart keeps opening to this new depth, and all I can do is center into it and create and connect from it. Lots of new connections are being drawn into that space, so there is much growth and learning as well as joy and celebration. If that is felt through this web space, my heart would be happy, indeed!

      May we each choose to remember our essence is love and everything truly is possible, when we allow it to be!

  6. ‘Sometimes We Need A Mirror’

    “Elevation and abasement. A woman looking at herself in a mirror and adorning herself does not feel the shame of reducing the self, that infinite being which surveys all things, to a small space. In the same way every time that we raise the ego (the social ego, the psychological ego etc) as high as we raise it, we degrade ourselves to an infinite degree by confining ourselves to being no more than that. When the ego is abased (unless energy tends to raise it by desire), we know that we are not that.”

    ” A very beautiful woman who looks at her reflection in the mirror can very well believe that she is that. An ugly woman knows that she is not that.”

    “Death itself, endured for a bad cause, is not really death for the carnal part of the soul. What is mortal for the carnal part of the soul is to see God face to face.”

    “Actions effectively carried out and yet imaginary. A man attempts suicide, recovers and is no more detached afterwards than he was before. His suicide was imaginary. Suicide is probably never anything else, and that is why it is forbidden.”

    “I need God to take me by force, because, if death, doing away with the shield of the flesh, were to put me face to face with him, I should run away.”

    ~ Simone Weil
    Gravity and Grace


    Perhaps if they could see the legacy…the actual ramifications of their suicide before the success, the majority would not have ventured this way to go?

    I cannot honestly say that I know even one person that tried suicide, but did not succeed.

    I can say that I personally know way too many than most people do, of successful suicides. Here are just two:

    Example #1

    A very kind older couple who were very close friends. They were married for well over 50 years. Found it hard to spend a part of the day without each other.
    The husband developed Parkinson’s Disease. I watched as it developed over time…being attentive and caring the best to my ability. One day I got a call from the wife. The horror in her voice I still remember 25 years later now. She came home to find him lying in a pool of blood with the contents of his head scattered on the cement of the patio. My mother and I drove down to console her…to clean up. She was living the greatest horror. We found out a bit later that the reason he chose to use the gun was to spare his loving wife the inconvenience of taking care of him as his illness progressed. His plan went wrong when the neighbor did not respond to the sound of the gunshot and discover him while the wife was away shopping. Imagine this type of suicide done out of love?? The result was the rest of her elderly years were lived with the horror of that day and living by herself…

    Example #2

    My eldest cousin was the first to marry of my generation here where I live. The marriage developed from an ideal teenage romance of the 1950’s. The husband graduated from the university and became a teacher. Later my aunt and uncle bought them a brand new house so that their family could grow. But this was not for many years later to continue. The drama and values of my aunt and uncle…the dysfunction values of materialism tore my cousin’s marriage apart. He left and eventually re-married in another state. A few years later she herself re-married, but into an abusive marriage. They found her in a car dead from an overdose. The note she left behind lamented about the lost of her first husband. Again, the horror I witnessed at my cousin’s funeral as her 10 year old daughter wailed out calling out for her mother…pure horrified dis-belief that she was in the casket that was being lowered…pure horrified reality that she was not here any longer. I can still hear the wretchedness of the grave site.

    I can truthfully say that my own loss and heart break has been much greater than what described in her last post.

    What kept me from suicide is that I would never want to leave any type of legacy of horror that the two examples above did.

    Again…’Perhaps if they could see the actual ramifications of their suicide before the success, the majority would not have ventured this way to go?’

    Question: Does selfishness, cowardliness, imagination, illusion, materialism, vindictiveness and attachment play a role in suicide?

    • Thank you, Rand, for sharing your reflection.

      When speaking of pain, I don’t feel we can compare; people have different tolerance levels and different coping mechanisms. Some of the experiences I have endured would have been cause for another to crumble; some experiences others have endured feel impossible to me. When in pain, if one is reacting, one is so unable to feel anything other than that pain, they are temporarily paralyzed – that depth of pain sometimes motivates people to numb in different ways, so while there isn’t a physical death there very well may be spiritual/energetic death which is just as traumatizing.

      I don’t believe it is for us to judge pain; I believe it is for us to continue to practice centering into love and working with various ways to move through pain, so we are prepared when we feel it and we are prepared when someone in our realm feels it. Pain is the ultimate disconnect, so it is for me (because I can’t speak for others) to hold that mirror of connection with love and light. What we see in that mirror can be distorted at times…and for many is very dependent upon external circumstances.

      To answer your question, no I don’t believe so. A person takes their life because the pain is so great, they can’t imagine bearing it one more moment. I understand we disagree – and that is okay.

  7. Joy,

    Thanks so much for sharing this! I came to my spiritual quest when I was 22. After suffering from depression and thinking about suicide through my teens, my fiance tried to commit suicide several times, each more horrific than the last. We lived togehter and so I was always the one who found him and called 911. I wish we could all be taught how to feel those scary, painful feelings and be there for ourselves through them. I found a Unity church at that time and learned how to cope and eventually move to a place where it’s hard to believe I used to feel so hopless. I know that pain is real and sometimes the person feels there is no other option abd I believe God has compassion for that, but I try to share what I’ve learned with everyone I can.

    I love and appreciate your site and I know that you are touching and helping people, so bless you & keep on moving forward. What you have accomplished here at Facets is fabulous! <3

    • Thank you, Michelle, for your presence and for taking the time to share! I understand now a bit more about who you are and why you choose to celebrate full presence, with gratitude, similar to my own practices.

      I have had the experience of cleaning up the aftermath and of hoping the phone didn’t ring because when it did, it meant the latest emergency happened.

      I have heard many wonderful things about Unity church. I am glad you were presented with resources to help you move through those experiences into new, wonderful ones!

      Thank *you* for all that you share – affirms and inspires!

  8. <3

    Love to you, Joy.

    I'm glad you found the way through your pain. There is always that most final of options, but as healers… of self and others… it's our job to present the most glorious "other" options which forever exist.

    Sparkle on, ocean pixie. :)

    • What a surprise to see you, here, Jeanie – thank you for “dropping by” and for sharing kind words!

      As we choose to connect and create from heart-space, there is the potential for pain, but the bliss, joy, peace, wonder, delight overflows when we allow it to; it is fun to share practices and to explore and experiment with energy and play – far outweighs any “potential pain”.

      Yes, to sparkling in all realms, in all ways!

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