When Your Heart is Missing the Presence of a Loved One


When your heart is missing the presence of a loved one,

may you send gratitude for the experience

and do something kind in their honor.

There is so much talk about ‘shifting and moving through’ energy. Most of my personal work is guiding people through energy movement, so I understand the practices can be powerful, healing, enriching.

However. I invite you to stretch with me beyond the shifting and moving into *simply being* with the energy of whatever it is that is in your heart/physical space. (For me, what is in my heart spills into my physical space; for many what is in their physical space fills their heart – let’s acknowledge both as we explore this together.)

As we explore the energy of  ‘miss’ we are neither saying ‘goodbye’ nor *hello*. We are simply going to be with ‘miss’ to fully feel and understand it in the moment and space we are in, as we are.

(Can you feel the peace and possibility in that already? I can. So, so relieving to simply feel something and not ‘have to’ shift or  transmute or celebrate…just feel it.)


Part of the understanding of an energy can be to look at where it came from and why it currently exists in your space. But, it’s not necessary to explore the variables in order to understand and feel peace. The idea is to look clearly at the energy for what it is presenting to you, to allow yourself to feel that energy fully and to accept it’s presence without judgment or expectation.

This can be challenging with the energy of miss, because often we associate the energy of ‘missing’ with pain. And, typically we will do anything to avoid pain – push it away, bury it, numb it, run far away from it, absorb it into our physical bodies which sometimes causes illness and more pain, rail against it.

I understand and I’m not going to tell you ‘pain feels good’ because that could be misleading. But, you can experience peace in that pain; furthermore, the energy of miss doesn’t necessarily have to be painful (until we judge it, resist it, push it away…etc.)

I also want to be very clear that, as far as presence to energy movement, the energy of ‘miss’ and grief are two different energies. We can apply what I am sharing to any energy *and* there are also different ways of feeling into and exploring different energies.

Missing Someone Who is No Longer Present

So, how do we work with feeling the energy of ‘missing’ someone who is no longer present?

The first step is to acknowledge the presence of ‘miss’. It often comes upon us unexpectedly – usually right when we are doing inner work to remove blocks or about to create or connect in a way that feels like living ‘a dream’ or *infinite possibility*. Now, the energy of ‘miss’ can also come about when we have stopped our beings from creating/connecting anything at all, in a sort of protest ‘if I can’t have my way, I won’t have any way’ kind of action.

(I invite you to think about the times that you feel the energy of ‘miss’.)

Notice as we begin to feel into the energy, we are not judging it. We are simply acknowledging its presence. This is important to experiencing peace as we feel the energy, because often we have associations with the energy that might not be present in our current space, but we bring them forth ‘automatically’.

Let’s explore that idea for a moment. When you think of the energy of miss, what do you associate with it? (I used to associate tears, a bit of a heartache, a lot of chocolate, a wanting to hide in the covers kind of feeling. Now that I have become familiar with the energy of miss, I associate fresh air, something in nature and a heart smile).

The second step is to become aware of what we feel as we begin to accept the presence of the energy in our space, at this time. This is the time to check in with your physical body, your heart space, your mind. It is natural for our bodies to react, so notice your reaction. 

I like to remember to breathe fully, because that brings me into this present space.  And, breathing seems to stop the reaction. (Remember, the point is to ‘hold space’ for the feeling…and I can hold space with ease when I am not reacting.)

The third step is to do something physical to bring your awareness to this moment of now, in this room that you are in.  When you are in this room, you may still feel ‘miss’ but you will be in a centered space of ‘now’; the action of being here now, but feeling something from past is an action of ‘being infinite possibility’.

(Empowering to experience! We don’t often associate ‘miss’ with empowerment – can you feel the peace in this?)

Now that we are aware and centered, the fourth step is to allow yourself to remember what it is you love/d dearly about the person you are missing. The energies and experience of connecting with the person that light your heart and being. Allow yourself that heart smile. (Can you see how allowing yourself the heart smile brings all of that positive energy forward into now! Enlivening.)

Thank your self for loving and connecting with the person when you did, previous, and here now. Yes, thank your self. (I say: “Thank you, Joy, for opening your heart to love as fully as you did and thank you, lovely soul whom I am missing, for loving me as you did.”) We are not judging the love – was it healthy, perfect, whole…we are simply thanking love for being present in whatever form it was. Love was present or we wouldn’t be in the energy of miss. 

This gratitude brings all of that love forward, into this moment of now. So, we are feeling, aware and opening to the energies of who we are missing and all of that brings that presence into this moment. It might hurt, yes?….but it might also feel wonderful, because that love and gratitude typically dissolves the pain. (It happens that energetically we do not feel love and pain in the same second.)


So, it can be that I am missing someone with my entire being, but I feel a swoosh of love as I do because I am being with the energy (as we have explored here, together). Now I am not afraid of ‘miss’ because I see I can hold it and feel peace.

Let’s take it one step further, if you wish. From this space of love and gratitude, we typically feel inspired to create and connect, to take a step in faith and trust that we might have wanted to take for some time but were afraid to, to try something new creatively….so, holding the energy of miss and all of that love and gratitude together may very well be the current that moves you into this newness, with peace, love and joy – if you allow it to. This is a perfect space to extend a kindness (to your self, another, World) as a tribute to that love you felt and are feeling now

What is the point of this work, anyway?

When we understand an energy and can accept its presence, we can feel peace and possibility, even when the energy is labelled ‘negative’ by world, and is fully in our space. This means that we can continue to create and connect, tapping into that feeling and using it to inspire us if we wish; on a deeper level, we are experiencing peace and possibility regardless of what is in our space. That is powerful. Healing. Enlivening.

Beyond that, we are opening our hearts. As we do, Source Energy can meet us and miracles are perfectly placed. (The miracle truly is that our hearts have opened…it’s feeling peace and possibility, with love and gratitude, in each space; the rest – the tangible stuff – is what world calls the ‘miracle’.)


My Personal Experience of “Miss” and Inspiration for this Article

I wrote this because I woke this morning missing a specific friendship that myself and my children held dear when we lived on the boat. An ‘angel’ in human form (mmm, maybe not an angel, but the connection felt divine).

I am usually so present that I don’t ‘miss’, I simply love, love, love.

However, I have been (still am) doing intense inner work this weekend along with new physical third chakra work and that combination seems to have dissolved whatever protective barrier I might have had around that past experience. I also experienced a magnificent heart-opening sunset last night – I felt that strength and brilliance in the thirty minutes I sat in the radiant light and I could sense an inner shift. (The photos in this article are from that sunset.)

So, this morning, I woke with the sun and I felt ‘miss’. I am allowing ample time and space to feel it.  I recalled special moments and laughter and pep talks and live guitar riffs that coaxed dormant heart whispers to dance and silence that was enriching and boat adventures that taught me far more than any book, about presence and unfolding and living life fully from heart space.

In recalling, I feel gratitude. In gratitude, all of that energy is here, now, with me – peacefully, joyfully. Eventually my entire room will be full of this heart light. It’s fresh, so it must be powerful energy – I am interested to play with it and see where it goes.

And, today I will do something ultra-kind in honor of my experience…because really it’s all a beautiful miracle….

Part of that kindness is offering this practice to you, to explore and experiment with. 

IMG_1716right after sunset, I looked up and saw Moon!

Please note: If you are sitting with another who is in the energy of miss, you may use this practice with them. So often, when someone says ‘I miss someone’ we (as empaths and light-workers and heart-path walkers) associate pain with that and wish to alleviate it by shifting it with (of for) them; but, look how shifting it is the action causing potential disconnect and further pain. Using this practice, together, eliminates the desire so many have to ‘shield’ energy which then allows for genuine heart connection and a *being with* energy and centering into empowered space, with gentle acceptance and love.

Dear Reader: As you consider this practice of ‘being with the energy of miss” is there someone you currently miss? Would you like to share the initials or name and something about the loving experience that you had that lights your heart when you think about it? 

Much peace and abundant love,


Facets: Energetic Online Intention circle. The August circle is open now through August 7, 2014 to add your intention. There is a complimentary option as well as paid monthly and yearly subscription options.

Also, I Believe in Magic Free Summer Sampler begins August 10, 2014. It’s a 2-week taste of the full photo class offered in September with a theme of nourishment and refreshment. To join in the fun, please click the title link.

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Comments on: "When Your Heart is Missing the Presence of a Loved One" (6)

  1. Jean Sampson said:

    I miss my art teacher/ mentor, Morton P. Traylor, every day! I find myself tearing up often because I want to share something with him, show him a drawing, ask him a question, and he is not here, at least physically. Everything I do in art is in his honor and because of his wonderful teaching and loving of his students. it was the turning point of my young and confused life when I, miraculously met him and discovered his brand new art school. I am still in awe of his influence in my life and that one person can really change another person’s life. I turn my missing him into painting in his honor and teaching in his honor. I talk to him all of the time, too :) I would not be who I am today if it were not for my meeting him.

    • What a beautiful tribute to your teacher, Jean…and as I read your words his energy comes through because I know that when you share your painting process with me (some of which he taught you), I learn so much…and so his legacy continues on, in ways far beyond the canvas and his school. I am so glad you are who you are today and I add my gratitude to your teacher for the energy and time he shared with you *and* to you for the energy and time you share with me!

  2. I am using this practice to “miss” my former healthy and fit self. It is helping me simply be in the now and embrace all those healthy times and spaces so I feel less shame when I think of myself now. Thank you Joy. Your photos are spectacular.

    • Thank you, Tanya, for the kind words and for sharing your practice of ‘miss’. I think it is helpful, in the work you are doing, to fully remember and integrate (and celebrate) the energy of your self in all stages, because that love and gratitude and integration invites whole body wellness, empowerment and centered-ness that naturally dissolves shame…if that makes sense? This is an area I am currently exploring because I have physically changed, so I am walking similar steps as you are….Yes to being in the now and appreciating self *here, now* as you (and I) are….and I wrap any shame in love and gratitude because it’s presence is an invitation for grace (and grace is the space of miracles!). Love to you!

  3. There are so many truly beautiful people whose *words* tenderly embrace me that are no longer present in life form. I have been blessed and still I am blessed when I dream of them and they still love me in these dreams.

    Being Scot-Protestant…having a love for fishing…a love for the wide outdoors…having a love for poetry the movie ‘A River Runs Though It’ is easily one of my all time favorites. Having loved Kristi who was much like me and having the feel of this love for her come over me still in the most unexpected times and places I can say that I do miss her. I can also say that even though we did not end up together that I am most happy just to have known her for the few years that I did. One never really knows what’s around the corner and what all the disappointments and all the accomplishments will ‘merge into’.

    We can listen to their words and be grateful. We can be at peace.

    I am happy to love…to be loved…to have loved and to have been loved.

    The ending to this great movie helps to explain how I feel about ‘Missing’:


    I am looking forward to the September ’30 Day Magical Photo Journey’ when poetry will be used for our prompts.

    It will be a beautiful experience much like how the poetry was used in the movie…

    ‘A River Runs Through It’…

    Thank you Joy.

    • Thank you for sharing, Rand. The practice of inviting loved ones into our dreams and/or being open to their presence if they visit ‘uninvited’ is a powerful one. I often call loved ones in as guides in daily life and they often speak to me in my dreams (because I am most willing and able to receive them from a space of centeredness there, instead of vulnerability as I might feel in ‘waking life’).

      Thank you for sharing your ‘tribute’ to Kristi.

      The September IBIM class has potential to be quite heart-opening as I have spent Summer renewing my love of the mystics and poets who celebrate bliss/wild nature/wilderness/natural beauty…..

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