on parenting with presence – our inner child as well as our physical children


I am learning a lot through mothering my children. Everything I do for them as their mother, I can also turn inward and do for my inner child (which is very new for my inner child to experience).

In world, I have the ability to ‘move mountains’ and can also, when I am centered and on-purpose, *manifest* just like that, as well as heal hearts, be light and share love.

I am able to create – and absolutely enjoy the process of creating –  a home space that feels like a sacred container. A space where: unconditional love, acceptance, pure joy and gratitude is felt; we each feel comfortable relaxing and resting; we often explore new creative expressions and ideas; we are inspired to try new things, step into new spaces, explore and experiment.

However….as my children walk along their own path, in their own day, there will be events that occur that touch their hearts and they will feel: sadness, pain, doubt, sometimes fear, uncertainty and/or confusion.

And it’s my job, as their mother, not to attempt to fix it or to manipulate it or even to shift energy for them.

It’s my job, as their mother, to make sure they understand, and can experience peace in, not fixing, manipulating or even shifting energy as a reaction – to, instead, center and allow themselves to fully feel the variables in the moment and to honor natural unfolding.

It’s my job, as their mother, to be there with love, understanding and peace as they move through their experience, learning what their souls wish for them to learn.

It’s my job, as their mother, to be fully present, without judgment or criticism (for either them or the people in their space) – to remind them of infinite possibility and of finding and celebrating the blessing (when they are ready).

Sometimes, as a parent, we rush to fix and heal and shelter (and also to judge, criticize, even condemn) and in that rushing, which is a reaction, our children miss the lesson and one: have to go back to repeat it and two: aren’t empowered to center into creation as they experience life.

To be very clear, I absolutely believe in setting intentions and boundaries and using discernment and concepts of resonance and alignment but, as we parent with presence, we must allow our children to set their own intentions and boundaries, to learn discernment and to understand that what resonates with them might not be the same as what resonates with us and to honor that difference instead of squash it or demean it. 

The challenge for me is that I didn’t learn these skills as a child and my inner child wasn’t familiar with this depth of presence, of love and acceptance, until I turned it inward. So, as I gift my children with a sacred container of a home and holding space for their feelings and offering support, compassion and reflections of possibility, so, too, I turn all of that inward to gift my inner child. 

The idea for this article came from two different experiences each of my children faced this week. As I considered that every cell in my being wanted to rush in and fix it for them, to manifest something positive, to take away any pain, these words flew from my fingertips to share with you.

We need to respect the individual journeys of each person in our household (and in our hearts) and to love and appreciate the differences as well as the similarities.  

That a parenting article directly follows an article ‘on why she stays in abuse‘ might not feel like it flows but, here is the thing. It’s easy to stay in abuse, when our inner child feels anything other than seen and appreciated: when each time we set boundaries our parents push through them; when we attempt to share our differences and are disciplined and criticized; when we feel pain (as in dating or not receiving an award or grade we feel we deserved) and our parents judge the people ‘who caused it’ instead of giving us tools to understand and move through it. (I am not at all blaming parents, I am pointing out how patterning begins in childhood and how that patterning can stay with us until we choose to re-pattern.)

I have been parenting with presence for 16 1/2 years and because each stage of growth for both of my children is new (for example, the experience of my son being 16 1/2 and my daughter being 14 1/2 is new for me as a mother and for them as people) as I continue to vest presence, my heart space opens ever further.

Feeling that vulnerability can be a trigger for some people, causing them to either close down or react – allowing myself to feel it invites peace and possibility – along with huge doses of love and gratitude – into each moment. 

So, truly, then, my job as a mother, is to allow myself to feel a depth of unconditional love and pure gratitude, like I had never known before and to share that with my children, my inner child, and world.

Dear Reader: As you consider this message of respecting individual path and allowing yourself to feel unconditional love and pure gratitude for your inner child (then others and world) what arises within for you? Have you had the experience of parenting with presence (if so, may you share a bit about your experience with us / if not, may you share something with us that you might apply to your inner child)? (when you share, you inspire)

Much peace and abundant love,


Presence to Love Deeply in Daily Life begins December 1, 2014. Registration is open through November 30, 2014. To register, please click the title link.

If *Parenting with Presence* interests you and you would like to learn how to apply it in your current experience of life, I do offer a variety of personal sessions (ranging from one hour sessions to one month sessions). Please check the personal session link to see what best suits you.

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Comments on: "on parenting with presence – our inner child as well as our physical children" (2)

  1. Jean Sampson said:

    How beautiful, Joy! To not try to fix it but to hold space for your children to process their experiences and feelings is huge and must be hard to do when they are hurting! I love how you apply this to your own inner child! I actually had forgotten all about my inner child, so I am going to see what I can to for her :) I think she needs some serious attention from me. Thank you for sharing your brilliant parenting practices. Love and gratitude to you! <3

    • I think we often *do* forget about our inner children, Jean – so I’m here to remind us to include our inner child in our practices of presence.

      Holding space for my children as they travel along their individual paths is an honor and a joy – the challenging part is when people look in and criticize my practices (I love questions, because exploring together opens doors – but criticism and judgment are barriers to flow!).

      May your inner child thrive as you gift her with attention! Love to you <3

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