On Recovering

Last Friday night, when the house was quiet and we were each tucking into bed for the night, my daughter asked if I thought I would be dying while we slept.

It took a lot of courage for her to ask! (It also shows how sick I was last week.)

I remember how insignificant I felt when I was a young child and adults would brush off my questions with a ‘how ridiculous’ or ‘what a dramatic imagination’. I didn’t want to be seen as ridiculous, so eventually I learned not to ask questions out loud. (Now I question everything – as in I want to know what the energy of everything means, and how different energetic threads weave together to create different qualities in a moment and what happens as it all naturally unfolds.)

Because I want my children to experience life with peace and possibility, I took the time to be very present to the energy in my daughter’s question and the fear she was processing.  I considered the physical variables she had seen:  my consistent high fever, several days of lying in bed (or on the floor) purging, my inability to drive due to being light-sensitive.

I explained to my daughter that I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be dying that evening, shared with her the reasons I felt supported that certainty and also explained that while I was still recovering, I was in fact much better than the previous few days.

Together, we held space for her trust to come back to center and for her to fall asleep in a way that she could rest well. (Which then let me rest well, too.)

I thanked myself for my desire and ability to be present (especially when feeling so ill and very ready to fall asleep!). I asked for my patterning to keep unraveling, opening and evolving into newness through my connection with my children.

And, I reminded myself to please be as patient and gentle with my own inner child and her fears as I am with my two children and theirs. 

I present this to you, because maybe there is a message in it for you, as you create on your path. As you turn this reflection inward, is there something that arises within for you? (please share in the comments below.)

Taking the Time to Ease Back Into Life

I feel almost better today – my energy is at 70%, which is delightful after having been at minimal for several days.

Whatever I had racked my body, temporarily putting my life on hold (almost impossible as a single mother, but the kids and I made it through!). I don’t yet understand the energy of it – I’m just now processing each energetic component, but I can see it has something to do with my previous pace and the fullness of each day.

I am currently astounded by how much I was able to do (pre-illness) with a lot of centering, in a day – besides driving my kids to and from school and their activities and being fully present to mothering them, I could write an article, create class prompts and facilitate forums, participate in sharing creative expression through words and photography, participate as a student in a few creative classes, write personal letters, spend a few hours in nature, connect with friends, work with clients and do my practices of presence throughout the day. Each day. My goodness!

As I ease back into ‘my life’, I recognize it is currently neither feasible nor healthy for me to even begin to resume that pace. My physical body needs lots of rest still, and I’m choosing to direct my energy to mother my children and heal myself.

Leaving the Broken Pieces There

Let me try to find the words to say this, because maybe you may understand. I don’t think I’m meant to ‘pick up those pieces’ right now. I don’t think I’m supposed to ‘continue where I left off’ and keep up that pace in that direction.

I think sometimes there is a ‘rush’ in our society to quickly *fix* ‘it’. Whatever ‘it’ is that seems to have broken.

When you ‘smack up against a wall’ as I felt I did with this illness, it’s really quite wise to leave all of the pieces that fell away, right there, before quickly putting it all back together again. I don’t think we are always meant to ‘put it back together again’. If there are non-resonant pieces, they will ‘sweep away’ and the pieces that remain will be there to examine for clarity and purpose.

What I find in my studies of, and work with, energy movement is that usually when we feel something ‘broke’ it’s that a barrier has fallen away and the pieces that surround us are those ‘smashed’ judgments and/or expectations. 

We are left with love.

We might not understand where it came from or how to apply it. We might feel incredibly vulnerable and sensitive – qualities that, when we use them to create with, allow us depth in connection and fullness of trust in Source and flow. While these are powerful energies, many in society label them ‘weaknesses’, thus, the rush to quickly cover them back up.

When you strip it all away, you are left with love. That’s a prime spot to ‘recover’ your essence energy – that brilliant light, love, gratitude, peace, and inner knowing that: everything is possible, all that you choose to create matters, and using your voice in ways that your heart asks you to will amplify inner peace and whole-body-wellness.

So often, we try to repair what was broken, bringing it back to ‘how it was before’. Only how it was before no longer fits, is no longer resonant, or it’s meant to evolve into a new shape/form.

What if, we leave ‘the broken pieces’ there for a moment. We take a breath and center (and maybe keep breathing and centering). We see what will unfold on its own, naturally, without attempted manipulation or control on our part.

What if we give ourselves time and space to feel gratitude for the dynamics as they were and for the dynamics as they currently are.

What if we allow that gratitude to be the current that guides us?

I invite you to take a moment to look around your life, to see where ‘recovery’ is asking for your attention. It will most likely be in a space that your mind labels ‘broken / needs fixing’.

I invite you to take the time to center your energy, then breathe into that ‘broken-ness’ energies such as grace, understanding, empathy, compassion, joy. Then, to see how each piece responds and shifts to align with this new vibration you are setting.

If you do choose to ‘fix’ something, may you do so with intention, from a centered space of love, carefully examining each piece for meaning and resonance before returning, replacing or releasing it.

Dear Reader: I invite you to share, is there something in your life you feel is ‘broken’? How does it feel to allow it to simply be, without rushing to fix it? Do you have a technique or practice that you use to increase your trust in flow and/or Source as you hold space?

Thank you for your presence!

Much peace and abundant love,


May offerings:

My small group ecourse “Connecting and Creating with Intention” begins May 24th (I moved the date forward a few days to accommodate my illness) and runs through June 22nd. If you’d like to ‘play with energy’, in a comfortable, non-judgmental space, this is a wonderful way to open that door.

I also offer personal empowerment sessions, if you would like guidance and support on working with patterning, understanding energy and healing a heart wound. I have a variety of packages from one-hour to one-month and email clarity to Skype consultations.

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Comments on: "On Recovering" (12)

  1. Beautiful and wise! Happy you are on the mend, Joy. My intention is to spend the summer in recovery. That means doing less!

    • Thank you for your kind words and your presence, Sandra!!

      I love your Summer intention – doing less allows one to ‘be more’, a space where everything truly is possible, including healing and thriving, naturally, with ease!

  2. Yea, Joy! I am so glad you are not just slapping everything back together again, but just seeing what is the thing your being wants. I have learned to do this, maybe not perfectly, but lots better than when I was younger and trying to please or meet certain standards. It is a lesson to be learned and I am so glad that you learned it at a much younger age than I did :)

    • I am learning lots of things, currently, Jean! I affirm that learning is delightful, joyful and fun! However, until that affirmation catches on, I am also learning from being ill.

      I specialize in clarity, but currently I can only tell what my body and being don’t want – which eventually means that what my body and being does want will surely be clear. I think it must be foreign to me, not familiar or in my current realm or being, so maybe is at my fingertips or ‘around the corner’.

      I am sooo glad you mentioned ‘trying to meet different standards’! How much time many of us spend trying to do so – and I think it directly takes away from the fullness of the experience and connection, but we do it anyway. I love what you share – it inspires me so much – these words in your comment are an affirmation to my heart about my choice to carefully create and connect. Thank you so much!!!!

  3. Not broken…

    Just a momentary state of re-adjustment…

    There is no rush…

    ““Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm”

    ~ Winston Churchill

    *Make sure to get over to check your mail. A pick-you -up-get-well-type of gift awaits you… :-)

    • Ah, dear, Rand – I must admit there were quite a few moments while being ill, and directly after, that I had *zero* enthusiasm and magic and blessings would have had to (gently) bop me upside the head for me to notice! I do love, and understand, the quote – thank you!

      What I love very much is this “just a momentary state of re-adjustment” – that could be the title of a some sort of creative expression.

      I *love* gifts and am in a ‘receiving challenge’ so the thought and timing is lovely and perfect, thank you!

  4. I’m so glad you are feeling better,Joy! Continue to take good, patient care of yourself with love.

    Your “when something broke, it’s a barrier that fell away” deeply resonated with me. When I looked back at the weeks that followed my son’s diagnosis, I felt that I was deeply broken, like a knife stuck in my most vulnerable heart space. Now that I’m processing it with more calm and more distance, I can see that what fell away was the fear that my children would die like my niece. It’s helped me see that I cannot keep them safe. They are both safe and unsafe (meaning, in the middle of life’s uncertainty) at all times. And it’s ok. Love is what matters and makes a difference. ?

    • Wow, Maryse – I have read your words several times, letting the meaning touch my heart and soul. What profound awareness you have!!! I feel there must be such peace in this new knowing of yours – how lovely for you! Can you turn this inward and apply it to your inner child, as well?

      Yes!!!! *Love is what matters and makes a difference.* I absolutely agree – although sometimes when I am feeling the constraints of being a single mom – usually around the logistics of driving the kids to two different places at the same time (ha!) it takes me a bit to center back into the power (and joy) of love. I have to remember *love is perfection* which means (for me) it’s okay to not get the physical stuff perfect, because they (and I and all around us) can feel that love and celebrating love (instead of striving for ‘perfection’) is really the source of peace and possibility.

      Thank you for sharing – your words are wonderful to read!

  5. So glad you are doing much better Joy! As Maryse stated, Your “when something broke, it’s a barrier that fell away” deeply resonated with me as well, strongly. I feel I went through something similar when I moved to where I am currently living. Even arriving in my new town, though I didn’t understand all the shifting, brought me clearer insight and many new beginnings.

    • Thank you for sharing, Angela!

      What I love about your experience is that when your barrier fell away, you opened to enjoy the newness even though you didn’t yet understand the dynamics of it all. That expansion of clarity then allows greater joy – a beautiful cycle that can enrich your life, even during such a big transition. Blessings to your new beginnings and for peace and refreshment in the continued unfolding!

  6. Lei Lani Lucero said:

    What has stuck with me for the past almost two years – is if something is broken, don’t try to fix it. Either let it go, or choose to hold it broken. And be strong enough to carry it without getting hurt.
    I have reconnected with the love of life from 1983-1986, and I choose, every day, every conversation, every visit, to be present for him, and to hold it broken and not let it go.
    I have finally forgiven myself for driving away in 1999 from him,when part of knew it was a cry for help that brought us back together then.
    I made my choice then to heal myself, and build my inner strength, so I could be happy with myself, and the choices I made.
    Now, that he is back in my life, I choose to not let it go, and hold it broken.
    Not for any particular outcome, either. I have surrendered without giving up. Each day, each moment, is enough.

    • Lei Lani, The message you are sharing in your comment is extremely powerful and inspiring -thank you for sharing!!

      This is a point that adds dimension to our discussion * And be strong enough to carry it without getting hurt.* – because it requires a person to understand and honor their energetic intention and to set and honor personal boundaries, all of which builds inner strength and creates a container to hold this ‘broken-ness’ with compassion, love and gratitude.

      Then, you mention forgiveness, which is huge. That forgiveness you gifted yourself with opened the door to infinite possibility for you. Forgiveness is sometimes an energy that people find challenging – so I appreciate that you shared an example of how forgiveness can open a door to depth of love and connection.

      And, this *I have surrendered without giving up* – is (I feel) one of the keys to peace.

      Thank you so much for sharing!!! I look forward to your comments on my next article, too!

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